IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

youngster often connect with their families through social platforms rather than meeting in person. is this a positive or negative development. give reasons

In
this
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 contemporary era, youngsters prefer to connect with their loved
ones
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 through social platforms
instead
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 of making a phone call or meeting in
person
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.
This
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 is entirely a negative development
due to
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 multifarious reasons , which will be discussed through
this
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 essay. First and foremost reason is bonding. Young
ones
Use synonyms
 are not emotionally connected with their friends and family because of no personal meetings. They often rely on each other's stories;
however
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, they do not exactly know about the lives of their loved
ones
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.
For instance
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, with the assistance of social sites , youth can only be able to know as much as other
person
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 wants to show.
Therefore
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, owing to
this
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 gap, they failed to connect with their loved
ones
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 often feel isolated- they have no one in
real
Replace the word
reality
show examples
 to talk with. They cannot share their thoughts with anyone
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they have already disconnected themselves because of social sites.
Secondly
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, it is extremely challenging to understand the emotions and intentions of
people
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 on social media. To exemplify, youngsters often make friends through these websites
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is very difficult to know how genuine the
person
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 is. Sometimes they fall into a trap of a stranger that may lead to some sort of dangerous actions.
According to
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 the study conducted by Oxford University the cybercrime has increased by 20% over the
last
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 2 years.
Additionally
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, during the bad days of
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 everyone needs a
person
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 who can support them in their bad but it is hard to get good friends on social sites. In conclusion,
although
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 social platforms are an excellent way to meet new
people
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, in reality, they are making
people
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 isolated from their loved
ones
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.

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task
Be clear of your main idea in the first line and keep it in each part.
content
Add more proof or simple example for each point.
coherence
Use easy joining words to link ideas like and, but, also.
accuracy
Avoid wrong facts; if you use facts, check they are true.
language
Check grammar and word use; fix mistakes.
task
Clear topic and stance.
coherence
Some linking words are used.
content
There are examples to show a point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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