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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries online shopping is becoming more and more popular. Some people think that this is having negative impacts on the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree and give your opinion.

Buying and selling different items on an online platform is a common phenomenon all over the world.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
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 is not good for society.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with the statement. Online shopping has a lot of benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it saves consumers valuable time. With a busy schedule, it is tough to go to
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 where
grocery
Fix the agreement mistake
groceries
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, clothes and other necessary items are now easily available
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different online apps or websites.
For example
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, in Bangladesh,
people
Use synonyms
 use a popular online app- Chaldal- to buy daily used products
such
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 as rice,
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
,
fruites
Correct your spelling
fruits
, fish, meat,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc. A recent study published by Dhaka University shows that on
average
Punctuation problem
average,
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 a person
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who
used
Wrong verb form
uses
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Chaldal
Correct article usage
the Chaldal
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 app
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 saves two hours weekly.
In addition
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, the research mentioned that
people
Use synonyms
 use the time, which
saved
Verb problem
is saved
show examples
 by using online shopping apps, with their family and friends.
Furthermore
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, they invest
those
Correct determiner usage
that
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 time
for
Change preposition
in
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 their personal development through
involving
Replace the word
involvement
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 in different social activities.
However
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,
this
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 might not be true for all
people
Use synonyms
; online shopping can make
people
Use synonyms
 lazy and isolated.
Moreover
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, online platforms boost the economy of a society or a country. Many small retail businessmen can run their
business
Use synonyms
 online and earn money.
This
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 may have
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 impact on social
Correct word choice
and economical
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economical
Replace the word
economic
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 growth as well.
For instance
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, a couple from Barguna city started a small handmade cloth
business
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they sell them online. Soon the
business
Use synonyms
get
Wrong verb form
got
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 success and after some
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
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 they
expand
Wrong verb form
expanded
show examples
 their
business
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 inspired many
people
Use synonyms
 from different cities of Bangladesh. These businesses create thousands of job opportunities that make a great contribution
on
Change preposition
to
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 society.
Besides
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, it
also
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influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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 the country’s economy. In conclusion,
although
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 online shopping has some negative impacts but
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
bigger
Correct word choice
a larger
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 scale it has
grater
Use the right word
greater
show examples
 benefits
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as economic and social.
This
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 is why I disagree with the statement
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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,
this
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 is my personal opinion,
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this
Correct word choice
and this
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 could
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
vary person to person.

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overall
Your view is clear and you say you disagree. To raise score, show more on both sides and then give your strong view at the end of the essay.
structure
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a short line that states this idea and end with a line that connects to the next idea.
coherence
Add more direct links between ideas. Use simple connect words like also, but, so, then, and because to guide the reader.
evidence
Use more facts or clear numbers to back up claims. Keep the data simple and true.
grammar
Check small grammar and spelling errors. Examples: plural with vegetables, and 'these businesses' plural, 'grater' should be 'greater'.
argument
You take a clear stance and say you disagree.
evidence
You give real life examples from Bangladesh to back up points.
balance
You show both good and bad sides and talk about time saved and jobs.
cohesion
You use good link words like firstly, in addition, furthermore, however.
content
Topic choices fit the task and you answer the question.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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