IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the line graph shows the percentage of people using different forms of public transportation in a city from 1995 to 2015.

the line graph shows the percentage of people using different forms of public transportation in a city from 1995 to 2015.
The chart depicts the ratio of individuals using various
kind
Fix capitalization
Kind
show examples
 of public transportation in the city during 1995 to 2015
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is a period of 20 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the use of
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 and
tram
Fix the agreement mistake
trams
show examples
 has an increasing trend,
whereas
Linking Words
 bus has a decreasing
for
Check wording
trend for
show examples
 a short
while
Linking Words
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 still it has kept it's previous flow. In 1995, the proportion of
tram
Fix the agreement mistake
trams
show examples
 was nearly 12%,
while
Linking Words
 it
fallen
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 to about 8% in 2000 and 2015.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2010 and
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 people tendency of
using
Wrong verb form
people to use
show examples
 trams
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 to 10 and approximately 12
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. It was about 14% in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of train in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1995, and it had an
incredibly
Replace the word
incredible
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increase in
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 followed by
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 34%. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
bus
Punctuation problem
bus,
show examples
 there was a
difference
Check wording
decrease
show examples
 of over 10 % decreased during 1995 and 2015,
although
Linking Words
 it started
raising
Use the right word
rising
show examples
 again to below 25 in 2015.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: