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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
the
Fix capitalization
The
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 chart illustrates the global
sales
Use synonyms
 of the
most five
Correct word order
five most
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 common
companies
Check wording
companies'
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 seal phones between 2009 and 2013 .
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2013 ,
samsung
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Samsung
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gain
Wrong verb form
gained
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 considerable revenues that surpassed the rest of the companies ,
while
Linking Words
 in both 2011 and 2009 ,
nokia
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Nokia
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 was the dominant brand in the world .
Surprisngly
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Surprisingly
, Samsung was the most common choice among the users
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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apple
Fix capitalization
Apple
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 showed
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
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increase
Use synonyms
 throughout the entire period .
Sales
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 in Samsung showed
gradual
Correct article usage
a gradual
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increase
Use synonyms
 in the entire period , with around 250
million
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 in 2009, the
sales
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 increased by around 70
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million
Punctuation problem
million,
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reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 approximately 320
million
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 ,
then
Linking Words
 the
sales
Use synonyms
 reached the peak in 2013 with
sales
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 estimated
by
Change preposition
at
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 450
million
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
apple
Fix capitalization
Apple
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 experienced
modest
Correct article usage
a modest
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increase
Use synonyms
 , around 20
million
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 in 2009 and just under 100
million
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 in 2011 and 150
million
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 in 2013 .
By contrast
Linking Words
 ,Nokia showed
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
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 fall from around 420
million
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 in 2009 to around 220
million
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 in 2013 ,
whereas
Linking Words
 LG and ZTE showed
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 bath .
Sales
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 of
lg
Use the right word
LG
show examples
 showed
Correct article usage
a
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fall by around 50
million
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 from around 120
million
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 in 2009 to around 70
million
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 in 2013 , and in terms of ZTE , the
sales
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 almost the same with a slight
increase
Use synonyms
 , from around 50
million
Use synonyms
 in 2009 to around 60
million
Use synonyms
 in 2013 .

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, increase, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 10 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global sales
  • Mobile phone brands
  • Market share
  • Trends
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Technological advancements
  • Innovation
  • Consumer preferences
  • Demographics
  • Market dominance
  • Brand loyalty
  • Comparative analysis
  • Sales figures
  • Data interpretation
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