IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are
people
Use synonyms
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 the
competition
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
, at school and in daily life is a positive thing
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 others argue
this
Linking Words
 idea and find
cooperate
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 essential more than
competition
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
easy
Use the right word
essay
show examples
 will
discusses
Wrong verb form
discuss
show examples
 all the views. From my perspective,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooperate
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 and
competition
Use synonyms
important
Verb problem
are important
show examples
 to achieve all
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 we need. On one hand,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is a very important skill, and
Correct pronoun usage
we should
show examples
should all
Correct word order
all should
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
this
Linking Words
 skill.
Cooperation
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 us
work
Use synonyms
 together and meet new
people
Use synonyms
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in what we are doing and working on it.
Also
Linking Words
, makes a lot of relationships.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is
demand
Change preposition
in demand
show examples
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
careers nowadays. But
also
Linking Words
 it has some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
, in
team
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 it will evaluate the project or what it ever
work
Use synonyms
 as a
team
Punctuation problem
team,
show examples
 not
Change preposition
as individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
.
Linking Words
as
Fix capitalization
As
show examples
 a result , some hard
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 might think it's unfair because they
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
For example
Linking Words
, most of the projects must
do it
Verb problem
be done
show examples
 by
team
Correct article usage
a team
show examples
, so there
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
might be
struggle
Correct article usage
a struggle
show examples
 sometimes if there are some
of
Check wording
members of
show examples
 the group
careless
Verb problem
are careless
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
competition
Use synonyms
 can make us reach what we dream, and make so many achievements. With
Use synonyms
competition
Add a comma
competition,
show examples
 all
people
Use synonyms
 will do as much as they can to prove they are better and multitask.
In addition
Linking Words
,
competition
Use synonyms
 has
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 an important role in
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 we have now and if continued growth,
will
Correct pronoun usage
it will
show examples
 make a lot of difference.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
country's
Check wording
country
show examples
 and companies try to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 their best to be the best in some aspects. In conclusion, all of
competition
Use synonyms
 and
cooperation
Use synonyms
 are necessary to develop the world and
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
show examples
. Must all of
Use synonyms
competition
Correct article usage
the competition
show examples
 and
competition
Use synonyms
 learned for young
people
Use synonyms
, because it's important to have these two skills.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Work on a clear plan. Start with short intro, two body parts (one for each view), then end with your view.
coherence
Use linking words like on one hand, on the other hand, and also, but. Keep ties simple.
grammar
Fix errors with grammar and make subject and verb match. Check capital letters and plural forms.
content
Give facts or clear examples that fit the point you make. Do not mix in many ideas in one sentence.
style
Use fewer words and short sentences to be clear.
content
The essay tries to show both views and also a view from the writer.
content
It gives some info on how working with others and with own drive can help.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: