IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of helth and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In a few nations, the average
weight
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 of
people
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 is increasing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their level of health and fitness is getting worse. Let's discuss the probable causes of
this
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 effect in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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, the reason for
this
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 is
Correct article usage
the massively
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massively
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massive
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 upgrading
technology
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of technology
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 , which enables convenience but at the same time makes
people
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 lazy.Nowadays , from groceries to clothes, everything can be bought online.
Due to
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this
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,
people
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 have reduced the amount of time they spend outside their homes.
Additionally
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, the variety and access
of
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to
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 online content have
also
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 increased.
This
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 resulted in
,
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apply
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people
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 now preferring to sit indoors and watch the latest shows and consume junk.On top of that, the majority of corporate companies have implemented
work
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apply
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from home culture ,
due to
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 which employees are sitting at home the whole day.
Secondly
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, food items are being infused with preservatives and harmful chemicals to increase shelf life. These unnatural items go inside human bodies , which slows metabolism, increases fat and causes some side effects in the long run.
Additionally
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,
people
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 are misguided
with
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by
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 so-called diet food , which is an alternative to junk.
However
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, they are just a less unhealthy option which
people
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 consume in huge quantities.
As a result
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,
people
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 are gaining
weight
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 unknowingly and facing numerous health issues.
To conclude
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,
crowd
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crowds
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 are relying on technology for their basic needs without going outdoors and doing physical activities. On top of that, companies are infusing unhealthy chemicals in daily products and manipulating customers by selling their diet products
which
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, which
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 are still unhealthy, which is leading to increasing
weight
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 in consumers and
hence
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 the average
weight
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 is increasing
among
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in
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 some countries are increasing. .

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Task Response
Make sure you answer both parts of the task: causes and what to do about them. Add a short plan at the start and end with a clear conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear link words to show how ideas connect. Each paragraph should have one main idea and a simple link to the next.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Break long sentences into short, simple lines. Check for mistakes with subject and verb.
Lexical Resource
Use easy words only from the top common list. Do not use long or hard words. Give small, clear examples if you can.
Task Response
Try to give at least one clear measure for each cause. For example, more time for exercise, better food rule in schools, less use of tech at night.
Idea
The essay shows a clear focus on the issue of weight gain.
Organization
The writer uses two main ideas about causes in the body paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • high-fat, high-sugar, high-calorie foods
  • obesity
  • recreational facilities
  • emotional eating
  • cultural shift
  • convenient food options
  • physical activity levels
  • mental health issues
  • fast food
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