IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that young people should be free to choose their job based on passion, but others think that they should be realistic and consider their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Choosing a career path is a confusing and
anxiety riddled
Use the right word
anxiety-riddled
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 for most of us, since it is a decision that relates to an individual’s
life
Use synonyms
 planning and daily
life
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals argue that passion is of main element of
job
Use synonyms
 choosing, others believe that youth should be realistic
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
choice
Correct pronoun usage
their choice
show examples
 for their future. In my opinion, one should follow their passion when deciding to work for
Correct article usage
a fulltime
show examples
fulltime
Use the right word
full-time
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 and long-term
job
Use synonyms
, for
Correct article usage
the reason
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reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 discussed below. On the one hand, many people think a practical
job
Use synonyms
 may be more stable and provide a better income, which can ensure an individual’s
life
Use synonyms
 quality and the fulfilment of basic needs. In 1950, many people
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 to work in
manufactory
Use the right word
manufacturing
show examples
 after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
World War two. They
willing
Verb problem
are willing
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 to do unpleasant and oppressive tasks
repletely
Replace the word
completely
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 just in order to
winning
Wrong verb form
win
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 the bread to support their family’s primary needs, after experiencing a long period of poverty during the war. In fact, a realistic
job
Use synonyms
 can truly ensure providing workers a stable income and supporting their financial needs.
However
Linking Words
, it may not
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 a person’s psychological needs,
such
Linking Words
 as searching for the meaning of
life
Use synonyms
 and fulfilling
self-actualization
Change the spelling
self-actualisation
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having a
job
Use synonyms
 that an individual
passionate
Verb problem
is passionate
show examples
 about, they are more likely to be successful and
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time spending
Correct word order
spending time
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working. By doing something a youth is interested in, they will never feel bored with it. Those jobs
also
Linking Words
 bring satisfaction to an individual who is willing to put more effort and time
to study
Change preposition
into studying
show examples
 what they do
nor
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 obtain a sense of success from it.
For example
Linking Words
, Jay Chow, who
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 really hard and
write
Correct subject-verb agreement
writes
show examples
 almost 50 songs a week before
debuted
Wrong verb form
debuting
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 to impress the record company. Eventually, those songs
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 a hit worldwide and
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 him
become
Verb problem
to become
show examples
 one of the famous singers in Asia.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people passionate
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 tend to target and achieve more goals, which not only
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to wealth but
also
Linking Words
 to success and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 an elite in their category. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
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, when we are finding a dream
job
Use synonyms
, we should consider our
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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 and the
long-tern
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 benefits that it can give us rather than
use hoping
Wrong verb form
hope
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 to satisfy our basic needs. So, we can enjoy every moment in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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language
Fix grammar and spelling mistakes. Use short, plain sentences to be clear.
structure
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and use clear links to connect ideas.
content
Use examples that fit the point and check facts to avoid wrong details.
strength
The essay shows a clear view and tries to compare two sides.
strength
It uses an example to back up a point and shows effort to explain.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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