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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many children today are overweight and unhealthy. Give reasons for this and give solutions to solve this problem.

Society is very different today , and that includes how
children
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 live. Today, many
children
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 suffer from obesity.
This
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 is a very unhealthy and serious
problem
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.
This
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 essay will give reasons for
this
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 and provide
solutions
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 to solve
this
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problem
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. On the
one
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 hand, there are multiple reasons that contribute to child obesity. Nowadays,
children
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 are addicted to the internet all the
time
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with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 all the ads and the huge impact of the influencers.
First,
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they found
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 entertainment system is easier and it could happen any
time
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 they want.
For example
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, they turn on their phones and make an account in Roblox Game
instead
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 of spending
time
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 with family. Second, the Internet is not the only devil in
this
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problem
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.
One
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 of the causes is the popularity of Junk food. Parents today are extremely busy. Neither the mother nor the father has
time
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 to make proper meals every day for the family. Fortunately, the latest
researche
Correct your spelling
research
 has discovered several effective
solutions
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 to
this
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 issue.
One
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 of the
solutions
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 is to start by managing quality
time
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 for sports every weekend with the Family.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 Football , Running. It’s
one
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 of the effective things
Children
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 can do with their Family support. It costs nothing except
time
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.
Second,
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the researchers have shown that the Hydrogenated Fat increases faster in
children
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 who are under age 14 compared with adults. They suggest the best option here is replacing the Hydrogenated Fat ,which comes from junk food,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
Fried Chicken , Hamburgers, with healthy fat ,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 Grilled Chicken, Tuna , avocado Toast as a high-value meal. In conclusion, it is clear to see that obesity among young people is a result of several factors.
However
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, there are multiple
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
solid
solutions
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 to solve
this
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problem
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structure
Make a clear plan. Start with a short idea of what you will say. Then give two or three reasons. Then give two ideas for solutions. End with a short line.
coherence
Each paragraph has one main idea. Put a topic sentence at the start of each paragraph.
cohesion
Use linking words to show the order: first, also, but, finally.
task
For each idea, give a small example from real life or common events to be clear.
grammar
Check spell and form. Fix errors like researche and Family to proper words.
content
The intro shows the topic and aim.
structure
Two ideas are used for reasons and two for solutions.
coherence
There are closing words such as In conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • behave
  • better
  • punished
  • rewarded
  • believe
  • effective
  • arguing
  • immediately
  • unwanted
  • fear
  • pain
  • good
  • actions
  • praise
  • treated
  • learn
  • positive
  • feedback
  • happy
  • feel
  • repeat
  • future
  • create
  • problems
  • rather
  • learn
  • wrong
  • caught
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