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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children.Do you think advantages outweight disadvantages.

There is no denying the fact that the main impacts of online
games
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 on a
child
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 are arguable.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that computer
games
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 have good impacts on
children
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that these
games
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 have bad effects on kids.
To begin
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 with, there are several disadvantages of playing them
by
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for
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children
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.
In other words
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, different types of computer
games
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 have become available to kids and controlling these
games
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 by parents has become difficult.
As a result
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, a
child
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 may play a game with bad people
which
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, which
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 could result in learning bad manners and words.
For example
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, if a
child
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 plays a video game with a bad person and talks to him using chat, he learn from him that there is no problem with lying, and
hence
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 these
games
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 teach
children
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 bad manners. Another point to consider, some kids play video
games
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 for long hours rather than engaging in social activities, and
hence
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 they become less social.
In addition
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, playing video
games
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 for a long time may make
children
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 addicted to these
games
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, and
hence
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 they refuse to perform their duties at home, which could create
a
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apply
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less responsible
children
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, and
hence
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 affects their future negatively.
For instance
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, if a
child
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 becomes less responsible because he used to play computer
games
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instead
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 of doing his duties, he will refuse to help his wife in cleaning their home, which could lead to problems between them, and affect their life in a bad way. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that online
games
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 have a negative impact on
children
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, and are not a good choice for
children
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 to leave them spend their time on them.

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task response
Be clear in what side you take and always say it in the first part and again in the end. The task asks you to talk about both good and bad sides and say which is stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas well. Start a new paragraph with a clear idea. Use simple join words like first, also, but, so to help the flow.
content
The essay has an intro and a short end.
content
It uses some examples to show the bad effects.
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