IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogether. Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and businesses? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the contemporary era, scientists have invented various devices to improve
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
. One of the important ones was an
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
show examples
. It is said that
people
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 try to decrease their trips
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
Use synonyms
airplanes
Use the right word
aeroplane
show examples
 annually, or stop using these devices. What I believe is that
flight
Correct article usage
the flight
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 has a significant role in our
lives
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, and I think
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of lacking
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
 are more than
environmental
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
 advantages, and I'm going to elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, flying has had several detrimental impacts on our environment recently. As
Use synonyms
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 consume a
lot
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 of fossil fuels, they emit too much carbon dioxide
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the atmosphere.
Hence
Linking Words
, reducing the number of travels can create a significant change to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a
lot
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 of natural resources can
preserve
Wrong verb form
be preserved
show examples
, and the amount of pollution will decrease.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
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 can breathe fresh air, and the risk of different diseases will
reduce
Wrong verb form
be reduced
show examples
.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 greenhouse gases are emitted to the air, and the air temperature will not rise.
Consequently
Linking Words
, we can stop all the effects of climate change and global warming, like rising
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sea
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 and
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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 of different species.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there have been several reasons for using flight systems, which cannot remain stable after decreasing trips.
For example
Linking Words
, a
lot
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 of urgent
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 might be cancelled in the healthcare and
politic
Correct word choice
political
show examples
system
Use synonyms
. These appointments can change
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
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 impressively.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 might not tend to improve their personal or professional
lives
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.
As a consequence
Linking Words
,
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
 might stop, and the connection will be limited.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some
people
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 might use other transport
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system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 like buses, trains, and cars. These devices can waste their time a
lot
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, and prevent them
to develop
Change preposition
from developing
show examples
 their
lives
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 in a specific time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some countries might not develop enough because they cannot have great interactions in different fields with other countries. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there have been some environmental benefits for reducing
travelling
Check wording
travel
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
airplanes
Use the right word
aeroplane
show examples
, it might reduce the connection among different countries, which is harmful for some of them. I recommend that we
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reduce the CO2
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 by using the most modern technology in
Use synonyms
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
, and avoid using old
Use synonyms
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 to achieve all goals.

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task response
State your view clearly in the intro and keep it in the rest of the essay.
task response
Plan before you write: state the main idea, then two or three reasons, and a short conclusion.
task response
Add more facts or examples to back up each idea.
coherence
Use simple link words to show two ideas, contrast, and addition (but, however, also, in addition).
grammar
Check word order and form to avoid mistakes (e.g., 'fewer trips' not 'less trips').
structure
There is a clear, two-sided idea and a short ending.
organization
The essay keeps a basic order from start to end.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reduce
  • benefits
  • environment
  • pollution
  • travel
  • businesses
  • individuals
  • challenges
  • meetings
  • connections
  • effort
  • manage
  • remotely
  • money
  • stress
  • local
  • culture
  • discovering
  • innovative
  • technology
  • ways
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