IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is through education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
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 that
education
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 is the most efficient way to decrease
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crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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rate
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. From my perspective,
although
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 there are other solutions,
education
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 is still the most fundamental way to reduce
crime
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. Some
people
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 would argue that strengthening community policing improves security outcomes. I must admit that it seems like an efficient solution.
However
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, reducing
crime
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 through strict punishments cannot entirely solve the core problem of
crime
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, which is the motives for
people
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's
crime
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. Focusing on mental
health
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education
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 is
benifical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to individuals' psychological well-being, thereby lowering
crime
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motif
Check wording
rates
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.
It is clear that
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 one of the reasons for stealing and robbing is the feeling of unhappiness. If our government can enhance mental
health
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education
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, individuals' psychological
health
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 will improve.
For instance
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,
according to
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Iceland
Correct article usage
the Iceland
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 Social Survey Report in 2011, after
strenghening
Correct your spelling
strengthening
 community psychological
health
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education
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, the
crime
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rate
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 reduced by 20% in 2011.
Therefore
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, if
people
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 have positive mental
health
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, they will have no
motives
Fix the agreement mistake
motive
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 to
crime
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.
Emphasizing
Change the spelling
Emphasising
show examples
 social
responsibility
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 courses
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 civic awareness. Not only can it improve the sense of belonging of citizens to society. It can
also
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 promote
people
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's
responsibility
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 to maintain
community's
Correct article usage
the community's
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 security. Take China as an example. The Chinese government always focused on setting up social
responsibility
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 lessons throughout primary, secondary and higher
education
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, so that Chinese
people
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 have a strong sense of citizenship, and in turn the
crime
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rate
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 in China is extremely low. In conclusion, the best
Use synonyms
education
Check wording
way
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of reducing
Change preposition
to reduce
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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rate
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 is
enhancing
Change preposition
by enhancing
show examples
 mental
health
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 and social
responsibility
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 courses.
Education
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 is the core of decreasing
crime
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 motives, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the government must
emphasize
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emphasise
show examples
 civic
education
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 to suppress the root of
crime
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.

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planning
Be clear about your view in the first line and keep it in every part of the essay.
structure
Put ideas in a logical order. Use words like first, next, and finally to show how ideas link.
organization
Name one main idea in each paragraph and say why it matters. Use simple facts or events as proof.
accuracy
Check spelling and grammar. Fix small mistakes like benifical or strenghening.
content
Use real and simple examples that connect to the claim about crime and school.
content
Your essay takes a clear view that education is key to cut crime.
organization
You try to use example and cause-effect link to show the point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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