IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is through education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that
education
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 is the most effective way to reduce
crime
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.
However
Linking Words
, I agree that
education
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 can really play a role in preventing
crime
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,
I
Correct word choice
but I
show examples
do not think it is the only or most useful solution. At the same time, we need to emphasise
on
Change preposition
apply
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the function of strict laws.
Education
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 plays a key role in preventing
crime
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. It improves legal awareness and moral judgement, helping individuals distinguish right from wrong.
This
Linking Words
 reduces impulsive or unintentional crimes and is effective in preventing juvenile and first-time
offence
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offenders
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, skills training and vocational
education
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 improve employability and income opportunities, which reduces financial pressure and social marginalisation.
This
Linking Words
 lowers motivation for theft and robbery.
However
Linking Words
, there is a clear limitation
about
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to
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education
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. Not every
crime
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is originated
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originates
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 from ignorance. Some offenders are even well-educated. Crimes were driven by a lot of reasons,
such
Linking Words
 as greed, personality or psychological issues.
Education
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 alone cannot eliminate deliberate criminal intent, and has
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
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 impact on
organised
Remove the redundancy
apply
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organised or white-collar
crime
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, strict law enforcement acts as a strong deterrence in the short term. Effective punishment increases the cost of
crime
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, deterring repeat offences. Without strong law enforcement, the effects of
education
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 will be weakened. In conclusion,
education
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 is a basic of reducing
crime
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. It should be combined with strict law enforcement. Only joint efforts can effectively prevent
crime
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that you partly agree or mostly disagree.
task response
Add one short and clear example to support each main idea.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more so each point feels full and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some links are good, but a few ideas move too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same grammar form in key phrases, for example with crime and criminals.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one simple pattern: main point, reason, example.
task response
You answer the question and show your opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
Most ideas are relevant to the topic of crime and education.
coherence and cohesion
The contrast between education and law is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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