IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet enables people to stay connected with each other no matter where they are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?

The
Internet
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 represents a great opportunity for every person to stay informed about every matter of life in our world at any time on anywhere.
However
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, some
people
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 argue that it
also
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 makes citizens more antisocialized
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also
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. İn my perspective, I partially agree with
this
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 opinion. Because we have many more
ways
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 to stay connected to each other. As to
,
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 face-to-face conversation, parents should encourage their children to set a more intimate/tensile connection with other
bodies
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people
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 for their mental health. On one hand, the
Internet
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 is very convenient for everybody to stay connected with each other, independent their location, giving everyone on the globe a chance to interact with other
people
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 with no interruption.
For instance
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, students who study abroad could communicate with their family easily, so
distances
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distance
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 no problem anymore.
This
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 could either save money or time for everyone.
In addition
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 to that, these students have many social platforms as mobile applications that they can easily socialise with their friends.
On the other hand
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, person-to-person contact comprises different
ways
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, like verbal, emotional, mimics or attitudes.
Thus
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,
people
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 have many interaction methods, so they convey their thoughts, emotions or feelings in many other
ways
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.
For example
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, when you are angry or sad about something, even your body language conveys
this
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 situation to other
bodies
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people
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also
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, so
,
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people
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 can recognise your feelings. If
people
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 restrict their connection methods only to the
internet
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 environment, it's very possible to lose some part of
information
Correct article usage
the information
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 or not completely express it. Families should encourage their children to give importance to face-to-face contact for their well-being. In conclusion, the
internet
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 gives us a great opportunity to communicate with each other in many
ways
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.
While
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,
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 if all of our interactions were restricted by means of online social platforms, it could lead to some sort of connection loss, like bodily or emotional expressions. On
this
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 issue, a balanced approach like using both social platforms and personal touches could be more beneficial.

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task response
Your answer shows you talk about both sides and give your view. To reach a higher band, add more detail to each point and give clearer, more direct examples.
coherence
Make the flow of ideas smooth. Use clear links between words and sentences. Start each paragraph with a main idea (topic sentence) and end with a short summary.
task response
You state your view and try to discuss both sides.
coherence
You use two clear ways to show the two sides: 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
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