IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The older you get, life becomes more difficult. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Old age is the period of
life
Use synonyms
 which is often considered to be a difficult phase. There are several reasons for
this
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 view
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
diminished
Correct article usage
a diminished
show examples
 state of health and financial hardships.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
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 discuss on these factors have an impact on
oldage
Correct your spelling
old age
. The first factor is not having
optimum
Correct article usage
an optimum
show examples
 state of health. Older people are
prone more
Correct word order
more prone
show examples
 to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 diseases or
get
Verb problem
being
show examples
 affected by several
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
, which is a consequence of weaker immunity caused by wear and tear of the body throughout their lifetime.
As a result
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,
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 population lack the energy or stamina required to carry
tasks
Change preposition
out tasks
show examples
 of daily living, making their
life
Use synonyms
 more challenging.
For example
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,
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 old man suffering from Osteoarthritis of
knee
Correct article usage
the knee
show examples
 will have
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
 in walking fast compared to his younger counterparts.
In addition
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 the elderly
also
Linking Words
 face various financial burdens
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
show examples
 to
inability
Correct article usage
an inability
show examples
 to enjoy or indulge in varied
life
Use synonyms
 experiences. Almost half of their savings is spent on paying medical bills for healthcare, and other basic facilities needed for their survival
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as electricity , gas and water.
In addition
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 ,
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 they do not have a stable source of income as they are either retired or on a pension scheme.
As a consequence
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, these
indivduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 are left with
indadequate
Correct your spelling
inadequate
 funds required to engage in favourite hobbies / activities
such
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 as travelling, going to fancy restaurants,etc.
For example
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, individuals prefer vacationing when they are young or in middle age,as they obtain
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
amonut
Correct your spelling
amount
 of salary through work .
Consequently
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,
while
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 taking care of other responsibilities,older individuals have to compromise on things that bring peace to them . In conclusion, living
life
Use synonyms
 as an older adult is difficult .
Moreover
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, various
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
such
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 as
degrading
Correct article usage
a degrading
show examples
 health condition and
insufficient
Correct article usage
an insufficient
show examples
 amount of
moeney
Correct your spelling
money
 can contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 making
this
Linking Words
 stage filled with hardships.

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structure
Plan a short plan before you write. Say your view in one line, then give two clear reasons with a small example for each.
coherence
Use clear links to show flow. Use words like also, but, for example, and thus.
language
Check grammar and spelling. Simple fix: read aloud and change 'a old man' to 'an old man', 'oldage' to 'old age'.
task
Add one more specific example for each point and explain how it shows the idea.
structure
Finish with a short conclusion that restates the view and briefly sums up the main points.
content
The topic is clear and the essay sticks to old age as the theme.
structure
Two main ideas are given: health and money.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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