IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The following graph shows the number of people (by age) attending cinema more than once a month.

The following graph shows the number of people (by age) attending cinema more than once a month.
The line chart
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the information about the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of people who go to the
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 more than
one
Use the right word
once
show examples
 time in a month.
Mearments
Correct your spelling
Measurements
 are given in
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly in the graph that cinema is popular
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. People between 15 to 24 had
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
hightest
Correct your spelling
highest
proportion
Use synonyms
 to visit the cinema. And the lowest
proportion
Use synonyms
 who are 35 or above.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 and young adults almost have the same numbers, but their
proportion
Use synonyms
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 over the years.
Childern
Correct your spelling
Children
 between 7 to 14 were 10% in 1984
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 with the passage of
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 they
were
Verb problem
started
show examples
 starting increase and reached almost 40% respectively.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
 situation
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 with the young adults who were 25 to 34
they
Punctuation problem
; they
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the lowest
proportion
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10 % in 1984
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 their
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 started
gradually
Verb problem
to gradually
show examples
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 over the years
except
Punctuation problem
, except
show examples
1996
Change preposition
in 1996
show examples
. eventually,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 people have tendencies
according to
Linking Words
 their ages.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cinema attendance
  • Frequency
  • Age group
  • Leisure time
  • Contemporary cinema
  • Comparative study
  • Inclined towards
  • Minimal attendance
  • Alternative entertainment sources
  • Streaming services
  • Genre preferences
  • Ticket pricing
  • Promotions
  • Discounts
  • Cinema technology
  • Diverse content
  • International films
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