IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been claimed that if
children
Use synonyms
 commit crimes, their
parents
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 ought to be punished to some extent. I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view, since
parents
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 play a pivotal role in child development
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 simultaneously, it should not be forgotten that
children
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 are
also
Linking Words
 individuals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who have to take responsibility for their actions. One primary reason why
parents
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 are responsible for the ramifications of their
children
Use synonyms
’s actions is that
parents
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 contributed largely to shaping their
children
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, teaching them human traits,
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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, and even rudimentary things like eating and sleeping. A massive number of
children
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 see their
parents
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 as their role models, trying to imitate all their actions
from
Punctuation problem
, from
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 walking to behaving. When
children
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 commit a crime,
parents
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 may be guilty because they do not teach their
children
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 what is acceptable and detrimental
both to
Correct word order
to both
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 themselves and
to
Change preposition
apply
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the community.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is a view that it is not
Use synonyms
parents’
Correct article usage
the parents’
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 fault that their
children
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 breach the law, for they have distinctive personalities.Basically, it is evident that everyone has their own minds and it
is
Verb problem
apply
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predominantly
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
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 on them how to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 properly. In
this
Linking Words
 case, it seems a bit illogical to punish the
parents
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 have their cognitive abilities and understanding of the situation, I believe,
parents
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 are the main reason why their
children
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 break the rules, since it is
parents
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 who
shaped
Wrong verb form
shape
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 the child like that, not their minds.

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Task Response
Your position is stated, but you should give clear lines for what you think in your main idea. Try to state your view in one sentence in the intro and return to it in the conclusion.
Task Response
Give stronger reasons with real or seen examples that show how parents influence kids and when they should not be blamed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use simple links to tie ideas together. Start new paragraphs with topic sentences.
Grammar
Check spelling and grammar to avoid misreads. Some long sentences can be split in two.
Lexical Resource
Use only high-frequency words; avoid rare words like pivotal, ramifications; replace with 'main', 'big' etc.
Positions
Clear stance of partly agreeing.
Organization
Structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
Content balance
Attempts to discuss both sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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