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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many individuals argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should punish their children if they commit crimes
,
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apply
show examples
 or other bad behaviour, as they are responsible for their upbringing. From my perspective, I keep a balance, as
parents
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 have a great influence, whilst on some occasions they do not have to hold full responsibility. On the one hand,
parents
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 play
acrucial
Correct your spelling
a crucial
 role in the upbringing of their children, because they are the first teachers in our lives, who teach us what is right and wrong. If
parents
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 fail in shaping their youth’s actions,
such
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 as showing them bad examples, youngsters may grow up with these examples, and in the future, they might be worse than their
parents
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. In
such
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 kind of situations, punishment of
parents
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 shows that they pay more attention to their behaviour, and
also
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 take
rall
Correct your spelling
more
esponsibilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teenagers can be influenced by other factors,
such
Linking Words
 as social media and the environment.
Although
Linking Words
 youths become older in a good family that provides them with the necessary moral lessons, it can be a little difficult to control, as they are quite independent. And it will be unfair to punish
parents
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,
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apply
show examples
 who have tried their best to raise properly.
Instead
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 of punishment, governments should focus on reeducating
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 about values and providing support through programs. In conclusion,
although
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parents
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 play a crucial role in protecting their children from committing crimes, they should not always be punished for their actions. A balanced approach is the best way, because it includes both parental responsibility and support, which is a more effective solution.x

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coherence
Make the main idea clear in each paragraph and tie it to the task goal.
coherence
Use one idea per paragraph and use clear linking words to show how ideas connect.
task
Add more real or simple examples to back up your point.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling to raise accuracy.
lexical
Choose easier words and short phrases to keep your meaning clear.
structure
Balanced view with two sides and a final stance.
content
Clear outline of the role of parents and other factors.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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