IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions

There is a debate
over
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among
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 people about whether
parents
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 are responsible
of
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for
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 their
child
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’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 or not.
In
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From
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 my perspective, raising a
child
Use synonyms
 lays down a big responsibility, and
penalizing
Change the spelling
penalising
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 the
parents
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instead
Linking Words
 of the
child
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 is not efficient. I disagree
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 in
this
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 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 explain my views and give opinions Nowadays, several consequences are happening. One of the most common
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 is unlawful actions which done by
Use synonyms
child
Correct article usage
a child
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. There is a globally
standartised
Correct your spelling
standardised
 rule that if a
child
Use synonyms
 does something illegal, the government
whether
Verb problem
decides whether
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forgive
Verb problem
to forgive
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 them or charge them with a
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money
Check wording
fine
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. Fining with
money
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is
Verb problem
does
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 not always
influences
Correct subject-verb agreement
influence
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on
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apply
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child
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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. Plus, it would be a trigger for
parents
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by
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apply
show examples
financially. Everyone has their own condition
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 if poor families are fined, they may struggle to pay. There might be repetition after having paid a particular amount of
money
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. Most youth do not
still
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apply
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know about the value of
money
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 and how hard
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 to
reach
Verb problem
earn
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 it.
As a result
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,
law breaks
Use the right word
lawbreakings
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 still may happen by those children.
Instead
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 of demanding
money
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 from relatives, the authority should have to punish the
child
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.
For example
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, if a
child
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robs
Verb problem
steals
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 some sweets from
supermarket
Correct article usage
the supermarket
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, they should have to mop the floor or clean somewhere. As they realise how
labour intensive
Use the right word
labour-intensive
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 jobs are tough enough, these ramifications will not be committed again.
On the other hand
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 should have the ability to control them. Most people say letting them free makes them confident. Absolutely, but it leads them
face
Verb problem
apply
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to join in vandalistic groups accidentally. To prevent those implications,
parents
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 ought to be stricter and follow them. By allocating them sufficient time
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 the opportunities that may help them grow mentally and emotionally. In conclusion, there shouldn’t be
money
Use synonyms
-related punishments.
Instead
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, having physical action makes them more worried
from
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about
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 doing illegal things.

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structure
Make a plan for your essay and put one main idea in each paragraph.
content
Use one clear example that fits the point and stay on topic.
language
Fix grammar and use short, clear sentences.
stance
Clear view that parents should not be fined.
content
Shows idea to punish the child, not the parent.
structure
Has an ending that sums up the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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