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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way. Because, they are responsible for their actions. Agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate over whether
parents
Use synonyms
 should be
penalized
Change the spelling
penalised
show examples
 when they do not follow the rules in some circumstances or not. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they are accountable for their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 of youngsters. From my perspective, I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
This
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 essay will explain both of these sides. On the one hand, there are several reasons that
parents
Use synonyms
 should be punished if they break the law. Actually,
parents
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 play a substantial
role
Use synonyms
 in bringing up their
children
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. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the majority of
children
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 emulate different types of characters in relation to their
parents
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. Namely, if
parents
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 possess a good manner,
children
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also
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 react
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 immediately.
For example
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, if
father
Correct article usage
a father
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 starts smoking, his
children
Use synonyms
 might be inclined to
this
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 habit with
highly
Replace the word
high
show examples
 possible.
Parents
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 are responsible for their
children
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’s actions until they turn
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
18. In developing
juveniles
Fix the agreement mistake
juvenile
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behaviours
Punctuation problem
behaviours,
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 the
role
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 of parental control is essential.
On the other hand
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, there are a number of ways that
parents
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 are not always guilty. To be precise, nowadays, both the growth of digital media and the environment play a crucial
role
Use synonyms
 in developing their actions. More teenagers are willing to change their main characters
due to
Linking Words
 the
curiousity
Correct your spelling
curiosity
 about others.
Consequently
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, the
role
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 of
parents
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 commences
undervaluing
Replace the word
undervaluation
show examples
. A lack of
manage
Replace the word
management of
show examples
 their actions
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to be
some
Correct determiner usage
the
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 issues.
Thus
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 should assist
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 in finding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
true friends. In conclusion, not only
Use synonyms
parents are
Correct word order
are parents
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 responsible for their
children
Use synonyms
’s behaviours, but
also
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 the
role
Use synonyms
 of the environment and social media
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 vital. Namely, if
parents
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 break the rules overwhelmingly, they should be punished. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should
also
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 be seen as individual persons.

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task
Be clear with your view. Start with a clear yes or no to the question.
content
Give more proof or real example to back your view.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea and use easy link words to join ideas.
grammar
Check small grammar and word form. For example, use 'children' not 'childrens'.
content
You show a plan to discuss both sides and give a view.
cohesion
You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show both sides.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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