Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that multicultural is a controversial matter to be discussed.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that when these kinds of people live together it will bring more benefits than drawbacks to a
country
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, there is
also
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an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that cultural diversity is vital for the development of the society.
To begin
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with, multicultural societies mean that people from different races will live together in one community as one nation. It is
also
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possible to say that these diversities will enhance the
country
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due to
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several factors. To elaborate, multicultural societies will provide various benefits for the
country
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;
such
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as growing the economy and developing the manufacturing and industry sectors because of the population increase.
For example
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, the American Dream assisted the United States to become one of the most urban countries in the world. Another point to consider, not all communities will accept the racial diversity in their
country
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, which will create a damaged environment that may affect the
country
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’s development.
In other words
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, a significant crime rate and internal difficulties may occur in multicultural communities if they do not accept each other.
In addition
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, all these incidents may lead to an internal disaster that will hurt the
country
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.
For instance
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, the
country
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will spend their diligence effort in order to solve these internal issues which will make
this
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country
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vulnerable to outside threats. In conclusion, despite people having different points of view, I tend to believe that cultural diversity is crucial in order to develop any
country
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.
Submitted by omima7a7md on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, consider using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive explanations and examples to clarify the main points. For instance, when discussing the benefits of multicultural societies, elaborate on how these factors specifically contribute to economic growth or societal development.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
complete response
You successfully present both sides of the argument, which enriches the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • cultural fabric
  • traditions and perspectives
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • social cohesion
  • tolerance and understanding
  • unity in diversity
  • cultural clashes
  • language barriers
  • multilingualism
  • integration
  • translation services
  • prejudice
  • diversity
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