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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows information about metro systems in six different cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows information about metro systems in six different cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The
table
Use synonyms
 comprises four different features of the six main cities' subway systems.
According to
Linking Words
 the
table
Use synonyms
, columns are related to
lines
Use synonyms
, total length, annual
journeys
Fix the agreement mistake
journey
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 revenue and price of the single ticket
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In addition
Linking Words
, rows depict the city names.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 New York City has the most intricate metro system
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
furthermore
Linking Words
, it has the longest total line
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the New York and London tubes are the most expensive metro
lines
Use synonyms
 , and their ticket prices are $2.50 and $7.30 , respectively. But the London metro line number is the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 one on the
table
Use synonyms
. Beijing and Paris subway systems consist of 19 and 16 different
lines
Use synonyms
 , and their total lengths are 659 and 357 miles
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Tokyo and Mexico subway systems are moderate ones
according to
Linking Words
 the
table
Use synonyms
. The first two dominant annual budgets belong to Beijing by $3.6 billion and Tokyo by $3.1 billion.
To sum up
Linking Words
, Beijing and New York are the most spread
lines
Use synonyms
, Beijing
also
Linking Words
 has the cheapest ticket prices , and London is the most expensive one.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, also".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words table, lines with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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