IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government should focus their spending on public service rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is discussing whether
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public services
instead
Linking Words
 of developing art
culture
Correct word choice
and culture
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as music and painting.
While
Linking Words
 there are some benefits of progress of the art for social culture,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that it is better to focus on services,
such
Linking Words
 as medicine and education. Many people believe that
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of art
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the foundation of public culture. Because when one social groups have
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 own individual characteristics or traditions, that
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
 would be by far
more close
Correct word choice
closer
show examples
 to
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and to the country.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
level
Correct article usage
the level
show examples
 of patriotism in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain country would increase
drammatically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
, simultaneously with that national level of
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
 would grow significantly. Another reason
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is to have creative individuals,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 develop modern
breakthrew
Correct your spelling
breakthrough
 technologies.
Great
Correct article usage
A great
show examples
 example is Leonardo Da Vinci,
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 was an artist, engineer, developer, architect and scientist altogether;
troughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 his
life
Punctuation problem
life,
show examples
 he developed technologies that people have been using up to 21th century.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more benefits in providing
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 education system for
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation.
Due to
Linking Words
 environmental problems, scientists
in
Verb problem
are in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
demand, not only for
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
, but for entire humanity. And to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
this
Linking Words
 demand, it is vital to provide sufficient study for
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is predicted that
enhancement
Correct article usage
the enhancement
show examples
 of medicine can
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 a big shift in the history of mankind. People prone to live no longer than 100
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, and suffer from lots of diseases, by solving
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 particular problems,
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 expectancy would grow. From the moment when a person is no longer
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
 from certain health problems, he is going to concentrate on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work and
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
create
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
. More individuals
getting
Verb problem
are getting
show examples
 healthier, more their ability to build successful
carier
Correct your spelling
careers
 and enjoy high
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
 of living
provided
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, some idea that
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 it is necessary
is exsist
Verb problem
exists
show examples
, from my point of view, there
no
Verb problem
is no
show examples
 doubt that it is
prerogative
Correct article usage
a prerogative
show examples
 for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to fund public services, like education and medicine.

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task response
State your view clearly at the start and keep to one side. Then give two clear reasons with short, exact points.
coherence
Use clear paragraphs. Start with a view, then a reason, and give a small example. End with a short restatement.
grammar
Use plain and short sentences. Check spelling and grammar to avoid errors that slow reading.
content
Give precise examples that fit the point and say why they matter.
content
The writer shows a clear view that public services should be funded more.
structure
There is some attempt to link ideas and to use an example.
content
The essay uses some good reasons about education and health.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • money
  • use money
  • public service
  • health
  • education
  • roads
  • police
  • fire service
  • arts
  • music
  • paint
  • culture
  • jobs
  • people
  • need
  • cost
  • budget
  • priority
  • balance
  • future
  • today
  • evidence
  • data
  • example
  • local
  • community
  • plan
  • benefit
  • risk
  • quality
  • life
What to do next:
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