IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions?

Vast
Correct article usage
The vast
show examples
 majority of
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 attempt to maintain
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 between optimal occupation and family life
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. The main problem
this
Linking Words
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 is stress and exhaustion.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the most viable solution is
public
Correct article usage
a public
show examples
 awareness campaign warning people about
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
show examples
 of working too hard. The principle of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
problem associated with trying to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with family and
successful
Verb problem
be successful
show examples
 in your career
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people tend to burnout. Burnout
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
loss
Replace the word
loses
show examples
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 motivation and
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 tired to the point they can not continue anymore. The result of
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
serious mental and physical issues,
such
Linking Words
 as depression and
heart related
Use the right word
heart-related
show examples
 disease.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 effect on
level
Correct article usage
the level
show examples
 of productivity.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a recent statistic released by
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
heart association
Fix capitalization
Heart Association
show examples
 show’s 79% of cardiovascular
diagnosis
Fix the agreement mistake
diagnoses
show examples
linked
Verb problem
are linked
show examples
 with consistent exposure to high stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 for
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should take strict measures to address
this
Linking Words
 negative impact phenomenon throughout publicity content in social media and schools to educate
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 about the risk of workload for extended hours without
maintains
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 healthy leisure
time
Use synonyms
 with kin. The effective step can be applicable by
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 with sufficient rest
time
Use synonyms
 and limited work hours
according to
Linking Words
 workforce laws and policy.
This
Linking Words
politics
Use the right word
policy
show examples
 will improve staff
well being
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
,restore their energy and ensure
high quality
Use the right word
high-quality
show examples
 performance.
For example
Linking Words
, workers
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
 satisfied and capable
to exceed
Change preposition
of exceeding
show examples
 company
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 after their annual vacation. In conclusion, people suffer to achieve
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 balance between family and career lifestyle
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
, the pressure
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to life-threatening consequences
reach
Correct pronoun usage
that reach
show examples
 individuals and
Correct article usage
the hole
show examples
hole
Use the right word
whole
show examples
 community.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 awareness
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 role
to terminate
Change preposition
in terminating
show examples
this
Linking Words
 detrimental attribute.

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task response
The essay tries to answer the question but it does not give a clear view or plan. Say what you think in the first part, then add more ideas and real examples.
coherence cohesion
Put ideas in a clear order. Use linking words like first, then, also. Make long sentences shorter and check that all sentences fit together.
content
The essay shows the topic and talks about stress and health.
structure
There is an attempt to give a solution and a small example.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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