IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society?

Owing to the advanced technology, people can survive in long period than
ancestors
Correct pronoun usage
their ancestors
show examples
.
Elderly
Correct article usage
The elderly
show examples
 are
increasing
Punctuation problem
increasing,
show examples
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 about various influences in
this
Linking Words
society
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 some factors will benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everyone,
while
Linking Words
 others might
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 impact on the public.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 of its effects and present the idea why I am more
incline
Replace the word
inclined
show examples
 to the negative results. Senior individuals can use their experience to teach
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 how to avoid the possibilities of failure.
With
Change preposition
By
show examples
 passing the knowledge that books
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
 mentioned,
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 could have more quickly to achieve their goals.
For instance
Linking Words
, some family
companies
Fix the agreement mistake
company
show examples
 bosses would train their children as
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 owner, in order to maintain the company’s survival.
This
Linking Words
 way not only
keeping
Wrong verb form
keeps
show examples
 the business they already have, but
also
Linking Words
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 lots of support to innovation, turning
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 cycle in
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
.
Conversly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, there are some negative effects at the same time. First of all,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
increasingly
Replace the word
increasing
show examples
 demand in
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
 system
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
a heavily
show examples
heavily
Replace the word
heavy
show examples
 burden
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Despite
to contruct
Verb problem
constructing
show examples
 more health facilities, the number of
labour
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
 still
can afford
Verb problem
cannot keep up with
show examples
 rising patient
, because
Check wording
numbers, because
show examples
 each nurse or doctor
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to take care huge
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of elderly.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is more conflict that
happed
Verb problem
happened
show examples
 between
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
Use synonyms
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
. Some old
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 reject to accept know concept of
creative
Correct article usage
the creative
show examples
 industry
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 or technology,
as a result
Linking Words
, generating various misunderstands. In conclusion, I considered that most seniors in modern
society
Use synonyms
 have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 negative influence on
society
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 people who have more experience to teach the next
generation
Use synonyms
, it
also
Linking Words
 leads to the rise number of elderly in demand and conflicts.

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structure
Use one main idea in each paragraph and add a clear link to the task. Do not rush to give many ideas; explain with more detail but simply.
grammar
Fix grammar and word form. Use simple and clear sentences. Check spelling of common words.
content
You give a idea of both sides.
structure
There is a clear ending that says your view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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