IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on the society?

In
this
Linking Words
 generation, statistics of senior stables growing up and everywhere can
see
Verb problem
be
show examples
 them :
restaurants
Change preposition
in restaurants
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, parks and department stores. Is
this
Linking Words
 change good or bad ? In my opinion, it has
Correct article usage
a negatives
show examples
negatives
Fix the agreement mistake
negative
show examples
 impact on
society
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will explain it. Numerous drawbacks can be found when older
people
Use synonyms
constitute
Verb problem
are
show examples
 growing in
this
Linking Words
 world. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
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when
Punctuation problem
, when
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 they are older they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their passion
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
, which means their
work
Use synonyms
 capability will
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
loss
Replace the word
lost
show examples
and
Correct word order
apply
show examples
it because they think they are too old
do
Correct word order
and do
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 not need to do more
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 for
job
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, countries would reduce
Correct article usage
the labor
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force
to
Verb problem
,
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work
Use synonyms
 and the economy would
be
Verb problem
experience
show examples
 a downward trend.
Besides
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
demography
Replace the word
demographics
show examples
 of older
people
Use synonyms
 boots in
this
Linking Words
 planet will significantly rise lonely older
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 most of them at
home
Use synonyms
 will cut down
Change preposition
on interactive
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interactive
Replace the word
interactions
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of
Change preposition
with
show examples
friendships
Replace the word
friends
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
. Moreover
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moreover
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long
term
Punctuation problem
term,
show examples
 nobody will
not
Rephrase
apply
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care about their security at
home
Use synonyms
, which means
when
Correct word choice
that if
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 they have an
accident
Punctuation problem
accident,
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 no one
could
Verb problem
will be able to
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 help them.
For example
Linking Words
, when
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 fall down at
Use synonyms
home
Punctuation problem
home,
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 they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 call for help, because they
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 alone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 when they get
help
Punctuation problem
help,
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 it
needs
Verb problem
takes
show examples
 about 1-5 days
their
Change preposition
for their
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 family would find
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Thus
Linking Words
, older adults not only let the country's
work
Use synonyms
 force diminish but
also
Linking Words
 decline in
home
Use synonyms
 safety
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it would increase the
Use synonyms
society
Check wording
society's
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 medical burden and
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 losses.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, populations of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 have some advantages
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Most
fo
Check wording
apply
show examples
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
show examples
 have plenty of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, which means
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working
let
Verb problem
has made
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 them
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
experts and they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 know the details
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the job profoundly and extensively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when they faced difficult circumstances
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
they could use their experiences to solve the problem immediately.
In
Change preposition
Additionally
show examples
additionally
Linking Words
, the elderly are wiser than other
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is because they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 apply their life
story
Check wording
apply
show examples
experience to
impair
Verb problem
help
show examples
 other young
people
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they can guide the youngest person to make wrong decisions and help them to use some tips to apply
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their daily lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Taiwan
Punctuation problem
Taiwan,
show examples
 the government will invite elderly persons who are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experts
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain field to teach the
teanagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they become a tower when
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
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did
Wrong verb form
does
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 the wrong
thing
Punctuation problem
thing,
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 they help us to
fixed
Wrong verb form
fix
show examples
 the wrong situation and tell us how to prevent.
However
Linking Words
, these advantages could not discharge
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 loading and
Replace the word
social
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 security risk. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 elderly
people
Use synonyms
 have
many
Fix the agreement mistake
much
show examples
 social wisdom and
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 experiences,
whereas
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
, including
work
Use synonyms
 productivity and
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 risk for lonely elderly adults.

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task
Be clear in your main idea. Start with a simple statement that answers the question, then add your proof.
coherence
Plan your essay. Use 3 big ideas. Put them in clear order and link them with easy join words.
grammar
Use correct grammar and simple, short sentences. Check verb form and subject.
content
Only use facts and examples you can show. Explain how each example shows the point.
idea
You show both sides of the topic.
example
You give a real example from Taiwan.
progress
You try to add details to your points.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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