IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary era, food production has increased significantly
due to
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 a large number of factories. There is a high amount of sugar in their production, which leads to a high risk of diseases. It is said that there should be some policies for distributing more costly goods. I disagree with
this
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 statement to a large extent, and I am going to elaborate on
this
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 in the following paragraphs.
Initially
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, there have been several reasons for consuming sugary food. A lot of manufactured food and drink are introduced to the market, which have a high amount of sugar. When
people
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 see these kinds of
foods
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instead
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 of healthy
foods
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, like vegetables, proteins, and fruits, they are encouraged to spend money on them.
As a result
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, they will have an unhealthy diet without nutrients, and the rate of diabetes will grow.
Moreover
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, if the producers increase the price of these items, they will just reduce the consumption of poor
people
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 in society.
Therefore
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, rich
people
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 will continue buying expensive
foods
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 without thinking about the price.
Consequently
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, they cannot be effective for the public’s health.
Similarly
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, there are some other ways to reduce the amount of sugar consumption
instead
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 of increasing the prices, which are more useful.
For example
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, the government can inform
people
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 by introducing some programs on TV or social media about the drawbacks of excessive consumption of unhealthy
foods
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.
Furthermore
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, they can reduce the sedentary lifestyle by offering more gyms and recreational areas, which increase
people
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's activities.
As a consequence
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, a healthy lifestyle will be taught, and more
people
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 will try to manage their purchases.
Likewise
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, the education system can foster the children’s knowledge to engage in more physical activities. Some countries make their products more expensive to decrease customers. But there is some evidence which indicates that
people
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 still like to buy sweet
foods
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 compared to other
foods
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.
Therefore
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, they cannot reduce the negative implications of these kinds of
foods
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. In conclusion,
although
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 increasing the price of sweet products can lessen their customers, providing opportunities for the public to follow healthy routines will be essential and more effective.

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task response
Make a clear plan before you write. Start with a strong view, then give 2-3 points with short explain and a small example. Use a simple order of ideas in each paragraph.
coherence
Link ideas with clear steps. Use words like first, next, also, finally. Make sure each paragraph has one main idea.
position
Clear view that you do not support the sugar tax.
idea
Suggest other ways to cut sugar use, not only price.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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