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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays the ways people interact with each other has changed because of technology.In what ways technologies affected the types of relationships people make.Has this become a positive or negative development.

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, interacting with
people
Use synonyms
 becomes easier because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
.
This
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 trend
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 the relationships
people
Use synonyms
 have. In my view,
this
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 trend is perceived as
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 development for two main reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the way
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
communicating
Wrong verb form
communicate
show examples
improved
Verb problem
has improved
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. Many
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays are getting easier to
be contacted
Wrong verb form
contact
show examples
 because of social
media
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,
such
Linking Words
 as
facebook
Fix capitalization
Facebook
show examples
,
instagram
Fix capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 and
twitter
Fix capitalization
Twitter
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 do not need to ask phone number, they just need
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 name of the person
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they can go through social
media
Use synonyms
 and search
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 intended name. The social
media
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 will show
list
Correct article usage
a list
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 with the same name and with a profile picture.
Consequently
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,
people
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 can connect easily.
In addition
Linking Words
, social
media
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also
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
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 to find
people
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 with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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. Social
media
Use synonyms
 provides a
group
Use synonyms
 feature. Everyone can make a
group
Use synonyms
, invite
people
Use synonyms
 and join the
group
Use synonyms
 easily. They do not have to spend money to travel in order to find
people
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 with the same
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 anymore. By joining
Use synonyms
group
Correct article usage
a group
show examples
through
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can save time and money.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
technology
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to maintain the relationship. Many citizens need to live
a way
Rephrase
far
show examples
 from their relatives and
friends
Use synonyms
 as they need to pursue higher education or work. Unfortunately,
this
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 situation can make them feel lonely. By having
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
, they can tackle the feeling of loneliness. They can easily do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video calls with family and
friends
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.
This
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 trend helps
people
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to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
worry
Verb problem
to worry
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 about moving to another city or country anymore as they can
update
Verb problem
stay in touch with
show examples
 each other live with a phone.
As a result
Linking Words
, the number of citizens
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 feel
stress
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
 to move to another place will decrease. In summary,
technology
Use synonyms
 helps
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 to connect and reconnect with family and
friends
Use synonyms
.
Therefor
Use the right word
Therefore
show examples
, I remain firmly convinced that
technology
Use synonyms
 can be seen as
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
 as it helps
people
Use synonyms
 to get better relationships with
friends
Use synonyms
 and family.

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grammar
Work on grammar and sentence form. Fix mistakes like tense and subject-verb errors and use clear, simple sentence patterns.
content
Show both sides of the topic. Mention a few bad effects of tech on contact and then state a clear view.
coherence
Make ideas flow well. Use clear links between ideas and keep each idea in its own part.
content
Two clear main ideas with examples are used.
coherence
The essay uses words to connect ideas (First, Next, Also).
structure
Conclusion restates the writer’s view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • interact
  • relationship
  • friend
  • family
  • colleague
  • dating
  • online
  • offline
  • app
  • chat
  • message
  • call
  • video call
  • network
  • group
  • trust
  • privacy
  • fake
  • profile
  • bully
  • bullying
  • time
  • screen
  • balance
  • talk
  • face to face
  • distance
  • close
  • long-distance
  • support
  • help
  • problem
  • plan
  • join
  • reach
  • contact
  • meet
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