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Writing Samples
Band 5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

The issue of how much
time
Use synonyms
 we should work in a week is becoming a more and more popular debate these days,
due to
Linking Words
 the rising attention on WLB(work-life balance).
Nevertheless
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, some
people
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 state that five days a week for working is necessary to complete the projects assigned
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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, I strongly contend that enough leisure
time
Use synonyms
 at the weekend is very important, as it results in many potential benefits for both the
workforces
Fix the agreement mistake
workforce
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 itself and society. First and foremost, a longer working period doesn't relate to higher efficiency, which is more crucial to have great performance at work. For individuals in working workplace, concentrating on the current assignment is the key to enhancing their productivity.
Whereas
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it is impossible for
people
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 to focus on one thing for a long
time
Use synonyms
, everybody needs
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
Use synonyms
 to take a rest after a really busy week.
Thus
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, some international companies
such
Linking Words
 as Synopsys and Cadence have launched a series of policies,
for example
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, 3 days to unwind
as
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, as
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 a weekend was given. That really did help them to enhance the general productivity for those corporations
,
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;
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 workers came back to the workplace with a happy mood and worked even harder after a three-day break.
Additionally
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,
people
Use synonyms
 will have the chance to go outside and have entertainment if they have longer weekends, stimulating the economic growth within the country.
For instance
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,
instead
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 of staying at home to relax, we will probably go to other places to have a small vacation, and the surrounding spots near the place will gain more money
subsequently
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. During vacation
time
Use synonyms
,
people
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 recharge and become energetic
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 meanwhile, the businesses providing those leisure activities will have profits simultaneously. In conclusion, I maintain that labourers should have a longer weekend. Some might not agree with
this
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 because of their one-sided aspect
or
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, or
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 maybe just not seeing the problem clearly enough. In recent years, it has been a trend to discuss these kinds of problems, and I think it will be a formal policy globally one day.

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structure
Plan the essay with a clear plan: intro, 2 body sections, and a short conclusion.
structure
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and restate it at the end.
planning
Give 2 or 3 strong reasons and back them with simple examples.
coherence
Use simple linking words to join ideas and show the flow.
language
Check grammar and wording. Shorten long sentences and fix odd phrases.
content
Keep ideas on one main point and avoid loose or wrong facts.
strength
The writer states a clear position.
evidence
Some good examples are used to support ideas.
logic
Reason about rest and work balance is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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