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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph below represents the data about the clubs joined by the people of two different age groups at a leisure center. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should Club preferences by age range

The bar graph below represents the data about the clubs joined by the people of two different age groups at a leisure center. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should Club preferences by age range
The bar chart compares the number of people joining in numerous clubs, which is divided by age.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most preferred activity was cycling by the younger group,
while
Linking Words
 the preference
of
Change preposition
for
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 it was totally reversed in the older group at the same time. In detail, most
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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 had more than forty individuals
from
Change preposition
between
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 25 to 35 years old, except for the gardening group, which included only twenty-three of them. The most popular one was cycling with sixty-five of
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 members, followed by Arts and Crafts. In comparison, fifty-five seniors liked to join
in
Change preposition
apply
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the gardening association, but most of them disliked
to ride
Wrong verb form
riding
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 cycles, because only ten of them
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 happy to do
.
Rephrase
so.
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However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 high
rate
Check wording
percentage
show examples
 of them
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 willing to work out at the fitness club, which was fifty.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the music and dance activity
also
Linking Words
 showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar level of popularity in both age groups, as the difference was only two people.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the same number of juniors and older people chose to spend their
free-time
Use the right word
free time
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
taking photos.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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