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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Computers are becoming an essential part of education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using computer technology in education and give your opinion.

The importance of computer usage in education is rising rapidly.
While
Linking Words
 having both advantages and disadvantages,
this
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 essay is more likely to
stick
Verb problem
focus
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with
Change preposition
on
show examples
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of using computers as
source
Correct article usage
a source
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 of educational information.
To begin
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 with,
world
Correct article usage
the world
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 is
noticably
Correct your spelling
noticeably
 getting modernised and developed, and technologies are becoming increasingly significant in all aspects of life. In
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 field, paper books and huge hand-written articles are getting replaced by
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
 reading books and
texting
Verb problem
taking
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 notes.
It is clear that
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 many high schoolers and college students
already
Verb problem
are already
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 using the
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 of carrying laptops to school.
In addition
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, many educational institutions now offer online courses
as well as
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testings
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tests
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 and
tutions
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tutorials
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 extensive interaction with
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 and other electronic devices.
In contrast
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, it may
also
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 have some negative effects, especially
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
individuals
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individual's
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 health status. Spending most of your daily time in front of the screen may badly influence
children
Check wording
children's
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 vision and brain development.
For instance
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, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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States
Add a comma
States,
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 many teachers reported
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 number of pupils with memory loss and lack of attention during classes. As observed, computer usage has a more positive impact on improvement in educational outcomes,so I tend to agree with the given statement.
Moreover
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, as a student myself, technology is significant for both students and teachers, and gives a lot of benefits for my studies. In a nutshell, computers are essential tools for our
upgrading
Replace the word
upgraded
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 study system and
society
Check wording
society's
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 views.

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Task Response
Make your view clear from the start. State if you agree or not. Give reasons for your view and explain them. Add one or two simple examples to back up the reasons. End with a clear conclusion that states your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph. Use simple linking words (first, also, but, however, so, finally) to show order. Keep one main idea per paragraph and connect ideas in a straight line. Check spelling and keep tense the same.
Strength
The essay has a clear position on the issue.
Strength
There are separate parts that discuss both pros and cons.
Strength
There is a final line that restates the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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