IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Overfishing of the world's oceans threatens many species with extinction and is putting the livelihood of millions of people around the world at risk. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to prevent it from happening?

In recent years , Overfishing of the world
threteans
Correct your spelling
threatens
 several
species
Use synonyms
 with extinction .
Consequently
Linking Words
 , it has become a serious
issue
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the people who are in charge .
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the main causes and propose some practical solutions . One major cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem is the poverty of citizens
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
As a result
Linking Words
 , they mainly rely on fishing as
an
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
only effective source of income . Another contributing factor is the
weak
Replace the word
weakness
show examples
 of educational quality provided
on
Change preposition
in
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 the country , which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge and awareness regarding the
importance
Use synonyms
 of keeping the marine environment alive . A possible solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem would be
that
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments
resort
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to tackle the poverty and the shortage of money of citizens by
diverse
Replace the word
diversifying
show examples
 the types of jobs in the region and
provides
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 people with a variety of jobs that they can depend
entierly
Correct your spelling
entirely
 on
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
without any trouble . A second way to solve
this
Linking Words
issue
Use synonyms
 is
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
governers
Use the right word
government to
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 take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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action to improve the quality of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education . With that in mind , they should
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
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particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 on the
importance
Use synonyms
 of the marine creatures , and what will happen if the sea
lose
Correct subject-verb agreement
loses
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only one kind of
species
Use synonyms
 ,
undoubatedly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
, every single animal in
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
show examples
 will be affected negatively .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they should increase
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 awareness
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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by
told
Wrong verb form
telling
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 them a realistic example of what the consequences of
loosing
Use the right word
losing
show examples
 one
species
Use synonyms
.
Verb problem
are.
show examples
 In conclusion ,
tow
Use the right word
two
show examples
 possible reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
issue
Use synonyms
 are the lack of knowledge and awareness of the
importance
Use synonyms
 of
fishs
Correct your spelling
fish
 to the environment .
However
Linking Words
 , to tackle
this
Linking Words
issue
Use synonyms
 , the people who are in charge should enhance the quality of education by
provided
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competent tutors who can teach students and place a great emphasis on the
importance
Use synonyms
 of
species
Use synonyms
 to the entire
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
envitonment
Correct your spelling
environment
.

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language
Fix gross grammar and spelling; words like 'threteans' and 'governors' should be 'threaten' and 'governments'.
structure
Make a plan for your essay: write an intro that says what you will cover, two or three main ideas in the body, and a clear ending.
coherence
Put one clear idea in each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence that tells the point, then add a sentence to explain and then give a simple example.
language
Use simple, common words and short sentences to explain ideas. Avoid long, chained phrases.
content
Give real, simple examples or facts to back your points, so the reader sees evidence for your idea.
accuracy
Check spelling and word use in final edit.
structure
The essay shows a plan to discuss causes and solutions.
content
It keeps to a common theme of fishing and the sea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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