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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows information about heart attack by age and gender in the USA

The bar chart below shows information about heart attack by age and gender in the USA
The given chart provides data about the number of
hear
Use the right word
heart
show examples
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
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 among different age groups
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and genders.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 are more likely to suffer from
heart
Correct article usage
a heart
show examples
 attack compared to
women
Use synonyms
. Generally, the percentage of getting
a
Correct article usage
apply
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heart failure increased with age for both genders. A total of 123,000 cardiac arrests in the US occurred
within
Change preposition
in
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 from 29-44. That number rose dramatically to 424,000 among
men
Use synonyms
 from 45-64, before climbing slightly to 440,000 fatalities for elderly
men
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 are less likely to experience a heart attack, where only 3,000 cases
have been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
reported among
women
Use synonyms
 between 29-44.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 aged 45 to 64 have witnessed 136,000 occurrences, before going to 374,000 deaths for elderly
women
Use synonyms
 aged above 65.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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What to do next:
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