IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the percentage of students on the one adult education center taking a various course offered in 1985 and this year.

The pie charts below show the percentage of students on the one adult education center taking a various course offered in 1985 and this year.
The pie charts compare the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 at an education centre for adults in terms of six important categories in 1985 and the current
year
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in 1985 and
also
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 studying a range of courses like art and cookery showed no major changes were observed and
also
Linking Words
 fitness and dance courses remained unchanged.
Moreover
Linking Words
 participation in modern languages has not changed dramatically , and the IT course
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 was more than three times for the music appreciation course in 1985. In 1985, the proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 studying art which represented 17% of the total number of
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 in
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 the figure for
this
Linking Words
 category was just 15%. In terms of attending cookery courses, the percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 for both years was relatively similar. In 1985,
Use synonyms
students’s
Verb problem
students had
show examples
 the largest amount of participation in fitness and dance at 22% and
also
Linking Words
 the rate of
this
Linking Words
 category in
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
 stayed the same. The proportion of
students
Use synonyms
 attending a modern language accounted for 24% in 1985 , but
this
Linking Words
 percentage decreased by 7% in
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for music appreciation represented 8%. These figures were changed to the IT course , which
just
Verb problem
has just
show examples
 more than tripled
this
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: