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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is better to grow food using scientific techniques. Others think that it is better to grow food naturally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary society, it has become
quite
Rephrase
increasingly
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 prevalent that
increasingly
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apply
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advanced
technology
Use synonyms
 has been applied in agriculture to feed the growing population worldwide.
However
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, people hold different views about
this
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 common trend. Some individuals contend that using scientific techniques to grow
food
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 is superior to traditional ways. One principal reason in favour of
this
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 view is that employing cutting-edge
technology
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 can improve
overall
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 productivity.
For example
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, an irrigation system can help
crops
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 to resist drought, chemical fertilisers can assist them to obtain more nutrients, and pesticides can help them to be resilient to some infections and fatal diseases.
Additionally
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, more resilient
crops
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 can be cultivated by the use of exceptional genetic
technology
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 when facing global warming and drought in some particular localities. One example is that scientists are more likely to cultivate
crops
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 that are heat or
drought tolerant
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drought-tolerant
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 through selecting and fostering strains which grow better in special conditions.
This
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 means science can guarantee crop productivity and the existence of the human race
with
Change preposition
in
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 the
approach
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face
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 of climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
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. Despite constant and even rising agricultural productivity with the assistance of leading
technology
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, there are still some opponents arguing that planting
food
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 naturally is better. First of all,
food
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 grown by conventional methods is more natural and healthier, as they grow in a natural environment: drinking rainwater and absorbing nutrients from sunlight
as well as
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 soil, compared with their counterpart planted in an artificial environment,
such
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 as light and nutritious solutions made by experts.
Moreover
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, the flavour of natural
food
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 is better. Nowadays, it is easier to find that genetically modified vegetables and fruits in supermarkets are prone to have a more appealing appearance but a less attractive taste.
This
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 is because scientists choose the gene which decides the appearance of vegetables and fruits, and at the same time sacrifice the one providing better flavour.
Last
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 but not least, allowing
crops
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 to grow naturally is beneficial to the whole ecosystem where there is less employment of chemicals, pesticides and genetic choices, which is conducive to complying with natural laws--the fittest survival--with less interference from humans and
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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 biodiversity. In conclusion, I am inclined to posit that growing
food
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 naturally is better, since the
food
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 produced by
this
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 approach is healthier, more delicious and more eco-friendly.

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structure
The essay should be more clear on the two sides and your choice. Add a short plan in the intro and a final line that states your view.
language
Use simple and short words. Break long sentences into two. Check small grammar slips.
content
Add more real example or data to back up the points in each idea.
content
A clear view is stated at the end.
structure
Two sides are shown with some examples.
content
The intro sets the topic well.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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