The bar chart below shows information about heart attack by age and gender in the USA

the

Fix capitalization

The

show examples

bar chart compares the number of people who experienced a heart attack in the USA, and the figures are divided by gender and age. The unit is thousands.

Overall

Linking Words

, heart disease hardly occurred in the younger generations, but it happened frequently in the older

Check wording

generations.

show examples

In particular

Linking Words

, the rate of male patients was

larger

Correct word choice

higher

show examples

than that of females in every age group. First of all, 123

thousand

Use synonyms

men in 29-44 had a heart attack,

while

Linking Words

only 3,000 women did.

However

Linking Words

, the percentage of males significantly grew to 424,000 among 45 to 64-year-olds, which was four times larger than the younger group. The proportion of females

also

Linking Words

rose in the same age group, but it still remained under a hundred fifty

thousand

Use synonyms

Hence

Linking Words

, the largest difference by gender was observed among 45-64 years old.

Finally

Linking Words

, the number of women patients dramatically increased to 374

thousand

Use synonyms

among those over 65 years old, which was around triple the previous

one

Check wording

number

show examples

. Still, that of men was 440

thousand

Use synonyms

among seniors, which was only six

thousand

Use synonyms

more than the younger.

dain991201

Nov 3, 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

175 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
A longer prison term as a way of punishing those who break the law is not as good as other methods. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Serving longer terms in prison is one of the major means of punishing law-breakers, which, however, seems not to be as effective as other measures, from some people’s perspectives. I totally agree with it, believing that more actions should be taken into consideration.
6.5
band
Many people believe that educational standards have declined in recent times, particularly in the areas of literacy and numeracy. Discuss the causes of this problem and offer some possible solutions to it.
In recent years, individual's academic abilities have undergone a severe degradation, particularly in the fields of linguistics and mathematics. Numerous studies suggest that this trend is mainly due to the advancement of technology. Nevertheless, there are still some ways to tackle the issue.
6
band
Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education. Agree or disagree.
It would be argued that prison is the popular way in most countries to deal with crime. Nevertheless, the provision of a better education can be taken into consideration to solve this problem. From my perspective, jail can be maintained as the main measure and a better education should be taken into account to lower the crime rates.
6
band
-It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Taking chances for an individual’s personal and professional development has been seen as a crucial factor.Even though it brings more problems I still argue its advantages hold more water than disadvantages.
7
band
some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is considered by some that the extinction of some kinds of animals and herbs has been the most essential natural matter in recent years, while there are others who think that other environmental issues are more notable. In my opinion, I believe that there are several important factors which have effects dangerously on the environment and also human lives.

The bar chart below shows information about heart attack by age and gender in the USA

A longer prison term as a way of punishing those who break the law is not as good as other methods. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Many people believe that educational standards have declined in recent times, particularly in the areas of literacy and numeracy. Discuss the causes of this problem and offer some possible solutions to it.

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education. Agree or disagree.

-It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.