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Writing Samples
Band 4

Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fame is a result of a lot of difficult work. Some
people
Use synonyms
 dance, some sing, others make videos or blogs on different websites
, not
Punctuation problem
. Not
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 everyone becomes famous, but most of them have problems with hate and bullying
in
Change preposition
on
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 social media.
People
Use synonyms
's opinions are different. One part thinks that
persons
Check wording
people
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 with a lot of followers need more privacy. Another part says that an invasion into their private life is the price of fame. In my opinion, both these views may exist, but they are not completely true. First of all, one view states that famous persons do not need to show their personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 on the internet. From my perspective, if they did not show it, they would not be so popular. Most
people
Use synonyms
 like drama, to discuss others’ lives,
to
Correct word choice
and to
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 know everything about their
idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
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.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, idols need to talk about their lives
for
Change preposition
to
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having
Verb problem
attract
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 more new followers.
For example
Linking Words
,
family
Correct word order
apply
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of Kardashian
has
Correct word order
family has
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 a big show about their
live
Replace the word
lives
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, thanks to
this
Linking Words
 program, most of them became famous.
However
Linking Words
,
second
Correct article usage
the second
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 view is that they are treated unfairly by the
media
Punctuation problem
media,
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 it is the cost of their popularity. I think that all
people
Use synonyms
 have their own opinions about some things
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
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 no one can be liked by everyone. If the person chooses
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
 of an artist or blogger, he
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to be ready for hate.
For instance
Linking Words
, a beautiful and
talent
Replace the word
talented
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 singer Sabrina Carpenter has a lot of fans, but at the same time
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 haters, judge her for her outfits. In conclusion, nowadays our world
become
Verb problem
has become
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 better,
people
Use synonyms
 start to understand what
is
Verb problem
apply
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tolerance and kindness
.
Verb problem
are.
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 I believe that in
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 years we may reduce
amount of the
Correct word order
the amount of
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 hate and bullying
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media.

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content
Make a clear plan: start with a short intro that says your view, then two body parts with strong points, and finish with a short ending.
coherence
Use easy linking words to move from one idea to the next, like first, also, but, for example.
language
Check spell and gram help readers in this task.
content
Give better examples that show why fame can bring hate and how each side fits.
content
You show both sides of the issue.
example
You use a real life example.
analysis
You give your own view at the end.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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