IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the best way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Others, however, believe that this money should be spent on educating people about a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

nowadayes
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
lot of
people
Use synonyms
 think the best way to develop public
health
Use synonyms
 is to create
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities.
While
Linking Words
 others argue
this
Linking Words
 idea and think we should
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 the
money
Use synonyms
 on guiding
people
Use synonyms
 about a healthy life.  On one hand, creating new gyms will help
people
Use synonyms
 to practice
sports
Use synonyms
 with
highe
Correct your spelling
high
valuable
Replace the word
value
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 gyms can include
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
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how
Correct word choice
who
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 are truly interested in
health
Use synonyms
 and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 lifestyle
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they can guide them to get
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 results by exercising.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are many companies in many countries thinking
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
have
Verb problem
offering
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 new services like making plans
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their subscribers
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
thies
Correct your spelling
these
 coaches and selecting
Correct article usage
a doog
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doog
Correct your spelling
dog
 diet to achieve their goals and deliver it to them with good quality.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 make the gym affordable so
every one
Use the right word
everyone
show examples
 can join
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 the younger
people
Use synonyms
. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we can raise the knowledge in
health
Use synonyms
 and how it
so
Verb problem
is so
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
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 by
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 to educate the
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 especially the young
people
Use synonyms
 and encourage them to do
sports
Use synonyms
 and make it in their daily routine.
Moreover
Linking Words
, with
money
Use synonyms
 the government can
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 events which are about
health
Use synonyms
 and make a speech with doctors who
are
Verb problem
apply
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have a good knowledge about healthy life.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the elementary school
make
Verb problem
holds make
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 event and
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
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 their students do activities like making healthy food will be a good idea. In conclusion, all of
Correct article usage
the spent
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spent
Correct word order
money spent
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money
Use synonyms
 on
educate
Replace the word
education
show examples
 or new 
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
 good idea. But from my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
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i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 truly find 
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 choice because we can
include
Correct word order
also include
show examples
 the knowledge
Linking Words
also
Correct word order
apply
show examples
with it by
buy to
Verb problem
providing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guidance to help the subscriber.

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organization
Plan your essay with a clear plan: short intro, two body parts with main ideas, and a simple conclusion.
language
Use simple grammar and check small mistakes that hurt meaning.
content
Give clear examples and explain how they show your point.
structure
Idea of two sides and own view is clear.
cohesion
Use of connecting words like On one hand and On the other hand.
structure
There is a final conclusion that restates your view.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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