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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that interacting with mobile phones and computers is negatively effecting on the children's writing and reading skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In the modern world, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and computers
became
Wrong verb form
have become
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 an inseparable part of our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Some people believe that using them
is having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a bad influence on children’s writing and reading skills. I mostly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, but I
also
Linking Words
 think it depends on how they are used. On the one hand, technology is really changing the way children write and read.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 most kids spend hours on their
phones
Use synonyms
, texting with short forms or using emojis
instead
Linking Words
 of real words. Because of that, they forget how to spell correctly or how to build long sentences.
Also
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, many of them are losing interest in books, since reading online posts or watching short videos looks much easier and faster.
As a result
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, their reading habits and focus are becoming weaker day by day.
On the other hand
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, technology can
also
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 be useful when used in the right way. There are many educational websites, games and e-books that can help children
to
Verb problem
apply
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improve their language skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, some apps help them to learn new vocabulary or even practice reading through fun stories. So, it is not fair to say that
phones
Use synonyms
 and computers are always harmful. What really matters is the control and balance given by parents and teachers. In conclusion, I believe that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 and computers can have both negative and positive effects on children’s reading and writing. If they use them too much for entertainment, their skills will surely decrease. But if they use them for learning, they can even become better readers and writers.

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grammar
Check grammar and form. Use 'have become' instead of 'became'. 'has a bad influence' is better than 'is having a bad influence'. Keep plain, simple verbs.
structure
Make your view clear in the first part and keep it there. Do not move the point to the end.
content
Add clear facts or examples to back each idea. Show how one thing causes another.
coherence
Use simple link words to move ideas, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'then'.
content
Your essay shows a clear view and a balance of views.
structure
You use good link words to show two sides.
content
You give good examples about phones and learning apps.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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