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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Logging of rain forests is a serious problem and it may lead to the extinction of animal life and human life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
More and more
people
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 think the reduction in rainforests will lead to the extinction of several kinds of animals and humans,
while
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 other
people
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 do not agree with
this
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 view. From my perspective, the former opinion is more correct for two reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that logging of forests has a negative effect on the environment around the world. The argument is that some
people
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 want to cut those trees in order to produce and sell wooden products.
This
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 phenomenon will rapidly increase the global temperature, ultimately leading to the death of many animals around the world. A study conducted by the Department of Environmental Sciences at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 75% of bears in North America will die
due to
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 global warming.
Therefore
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, the environmental system will deteriorate
due to
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 the presence of
this
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 phenomenon.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, I am convinced that these harmful activities will negatively affect an individual's
Use synonyms
food
Check wording
health
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. What I mean is that there are a lot of farmers who produce several crops, but high global temperatures make it harder to farm.
This
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 process will raise
food
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 prices in each store, which in turn increases the rates of famine in the country.
For instance
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, a resident is not able to find wheat or rice in the United States because of farm fires in California.
As a result
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, the performance of
food
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 security will get worse if that idea is not taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion, a lot of
people
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 believe that logging or removing forest trees is able to cause a dangerous effect on both
food
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 security and the environment.

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task response
Make your view fully clear in the first paragraph. Say that you agree to a large extent, and say why rain forests are very important for both animals and people.
task response
Keep the main focus on rain forests. Your first main point is about animal loss, but it moves too fast to world heat. Explain that when forests are cut down, animals lose their homes, food, and places to breed.
task response
Develop the point about human life more directly. Show the chain clearly: fewer forests can mean less rain, more heat, poor crops, less food, and more illness or hunger for people.
task response
Use examples that are clearly linked to rain forests. The example about bears in North America and farm fires in California does not strongly show the effect of rain forest logging. A more direct example would be people who depend on forest land, water, food, or medicine.
task response
Be careful with facts and studies. If you cannot show that a study is real, use a general example instead. This will make your writing sound more safe and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this good plan, but make the link between each idea more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with one simple main idea. For example: “First, logging destroys animal homes.” Then explain this idea before moving to world heat or other results.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links to show cause and effect, such as “Because of this,” “As a result,” and “This can lead to.” Do not repeat “This phenomenon” too often, as it can be hard to know what it means.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion answer the question more directly. Instead of saying that many people believe this, restate your own view and sum up the two main reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or unnatural phrases such as “the performance of food security” and “if that idea is not taken into account.” Use simple words: “food security will become worse if logging continues.”
task response
You answer both parts of the issue by discussing harm to animals and harm to people.
task response
Your two main ideas are relevant: damage to the natural world and problems with food.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraph breaks and uses opening links such as “First of all,” “In addition,” and “In conclusion.”
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main point, an explanation, and an example, which gives your writing a clear shape.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • carbon sink
  • global warming
  • indigenous tribes
  • livelihood
  • displacement
  • cultural erosion
  • soil erosion
  • water cycle
  • humidity levels
  • rainfall patterns
  • droughts
  • ecosystem services
  • pollination
  • climate change
  • logging
  • rain forests
  • habitats
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