IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

At present the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer with relevant example.

In
this
Linking Words
present
Add a comma
present,
show examples
 some countries may have a larger number of youths compared to their elders
meaning
Punctuation problem
, meaning
show examples
 the
avarege
Correct your spelling
average
 age
being
Wrong verb form
is
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 lower.
This
Linking Words
 has its advantages and disadvantages. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the advantages are
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than the disadvantages at
this
Linking Words
 time.
For
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 in the region of
east
Fix capitalization
East
show examples
 Asia lies a
country
Use synonyms
 called Japan
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
 the
avarege
Correct your spelling
average
 age is rising constantly.
Highschools
Use the right word
High schools
show examples
 in the countryside
even
Verb problem
are even
show examples
 closing doors. The problem is,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of individuals
doesn’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
don’t
show examples
 want to have kids or raise pupils
resulting
Punctuation problem
, resulting
show examples
 in
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 work
force
Use the right word
workforce
show examples
, a fall in economics and
further
Linking Words
dangering
Verb problem
endangering
show examples
 the independence of the
country
Use synonyms
. Which is not a situation any
country
Use synonyms
 wants to be in. The economic growth and development of a
country
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 neatly tied
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the population. It can be seen in most developing countries that their population is filled with young adults. The advantages of having young adults
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a quality workforce
that is
Linking Words
 well developed. Even capable of rising population numbers compared to
Correct article usage
the elders
show examples
elders
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 having an older
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 age is not suitable for a
country
Use synonyms
that’s
Use the right word
that is
show examples
thriving
Verb problem
striving
show examples
 for development. A
country
Use synonyms
 filled with
youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
show examples
promise
Correct subject-verb agreement
promises
show examples
 a better and safer future

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content
From the start, say your view clearly and keep to one side. Do not say both sides if you seek one clear point.
structure
Build your ideas in a clear path. Use one idea per paragraph and use linking words to show order.
content
Use facts or real ideas. The example of Japan here is not exact. Say general truths or simple ideas with care.
language
Use simple grammar. Check for word form and spelling and fix wrong sentences.
language
Check the text by reading aloud to find long or run sentences and fix punctuation.
content
You show a clear aim to talk about a way for young people.
structure
You begin with a view and add a final line.
language
You try to use example to show your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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