IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?

Today, many individuals respond to others differently
as a result
Linking Words
 of technological development. The essay will argue that the use of cell phones and
technology
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devices
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 to communicate with each other influences the relationship between
humans
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 and changes it to a non-physical one. I believe
this
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 is a negative development because
people
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 become attached to a device, not to
humans
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. Communication through
devices
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 allows
people
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 to meet on social media or by video call, but not to meet physically.
This
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 means when individuals talk with their friends through applications in their smartphones or posting pictures, videos or reels, and
people
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 react to that,
this
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 gives you a chance to see, hear them and respond to their likes and reactions in posts without really contacting them.
For example
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, one of the most recent studies said that many
people
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 spend more time on social media with their friends, and at the same time, they avoid going out with them. The great improvement in
technology
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 has a bad influence on
people
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, which is they become more linked to
devices
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 than to
humans
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 around them. The use of
technology
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devices
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 is easy, entertaining and has a lot of different options that fit well with everyone's interests
,
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. As
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as a result
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,
users
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users,
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 special the youngest
ones
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ones,
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 will prefer these
devices
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 over their friends and family.
For example
Linking Words
, in many public
areas
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areas,
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 you can see that more than half of the
people
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staring
Verb problem
are staring
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 at their phones or
iPad
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iPads
 and they are not talking to each other. In conclusion, the big enhancement in
technology
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 affects the interaction between
humans
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 and using these
devices
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 for communication
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 the type of relationship and
make
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makes
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 it
unreal
Correct article usage
an unreal
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 relationship. I considered it as
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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improvment
Correct your spelling
improvement
 because it
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 individuals strongly attracted to their
devices
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.

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Task response
Plan your essay with a short map. Start with a intro that restates the topic and your view. Then write two or three body paragraphs and finish with a short conclusion.
Coherence
Make a clear main idea in each paragraph. Use one idea per paragraph and give a reason and an example.
Coherence
Link ideas with words like also, but, however, for example, in addition.
Grammar
Check grammar and sentence form. Use simple and correct sentences.
Task response
Be more balanced. Mention positive effects briefly, then explain why you still choose the negative view.
Content
You take a clear stance that tech harms personal ties.
Content
You give examples of social media use and video calls.
Structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion in your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
What to do next:
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