IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government should be responsible for profiding retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Society has drastically changed from the past. Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 have an argument about the retired
people
Use synonyms
 , and the government should be responsible for providing them the financial
support
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 as well.
However
Linking Words
, there is an exhibition opinion that citizens should save money to take
care
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 of themselves when they are old.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views , and
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will give my final opinion
at the end
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. There is no denying the fact that
retirees
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 have given several
things
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 to the country. Fortunately, the government supports its
retirees
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 not only financially, but
also
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 supports their health
care
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 .
However
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, some
people
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 see it as the right idea to provide them with the
care
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 and financial
support
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. That's because they assumed that retired
people
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 have given many
things
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 to serve their country for decades. Unfortunately, most of the
retirees
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 are old
people
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. Most of them don't have someone to take
care
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 of them.
Furthermore
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, they
also
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 contributed to the country for many years.
Nevertheless
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,
retirees
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 made way for the next generation. They have
also
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 served in multiple places.
Also
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, they have played so many roles. Some of them are doctors, lawyers, and teachers.
On the other hand
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, there is an opinion that disagrees with the first group. They claimed the government should not
support
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 the
retirees
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. That will increase more
of
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apply
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non-responsible
Use the right word
irresponsible
show examples
 citizens.
Also
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, they
support
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 the next generation and encourage them to save some money to take
care
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 of themselves when they are older. Even so, the economy changed throughout history. That will prepare the young generation for any conditions.
However
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,
retirees
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 should take responsibility for themselves. In conclusion, it is clear to see that
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with the second idea. That's because there are several
things
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 that could turn upside down. especially when it comes to financial
things
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. It will have a huge effect on life.

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task response
State a clear topic in the first sentence and keep it through the essay. Give a firm view in the opening and restate it in the end.
task response
Discuss both sides with a balanced amount of space. Then give your own view clearly.
coherence
Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that tells the main idea.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go from one to the next, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'however'.
task response
Give real reasons or facts to back up your point. Use simple examples.
task response
The essay shows an attempt to discuss both sides and give an opinion.
coherence
Some ideas about retirees' contributions are present.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government responsibility
  • financial support
  • care
  • retirees
  • personal responsibility
  • retirement planning
  • social security
  • pension
  • benefits
  • concerns
  • dependency
  • adequate savings
  • elderly citizens
  • burden
  • welfare system
  • poverty
  • social safety net
  • financial stability
  • public funds
  • sustainable
  • reliable
  • case study
  • Japan
  • Sweden
  • United States
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