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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the average weekly salaries of men and of women working in different occupations.

The table below shows the average weekly salaries of men and of women working in different occupations.
This
Linking Words
 table illustrates the average weekly
salaries
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 of
men
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 and
women
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 working
in
Change preposition
as
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 technicians, service workers,
professionals
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, administrative and manual
laborers
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labourers
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 in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
salaries
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 of
professionals
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 are the highest.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
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salaries
Correct article usage
the salaries
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 of manual
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
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 are the lowest.
In addition
Linking Words
,
men
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 usually have higher pay than
women
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 in all categories.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the
salaries
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 of
professionals
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 were the highest among all categories, with
men
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 earning 2000 per
week
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 and
women
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 earning 1900 per
week
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
salaries
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 of manual
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
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 were the lowest, earning almost half as much as
professionals
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.The remaining occupations fell between the two extremes. In terms of the gender gap, technicians showed the largest difference, with
men
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 earning 1400 per
week
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 compared to 900 for
women
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, resulting in a difference of 500.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
professionals
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 had the smallest gap, with a difference of only 100 per
week
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. The differences in the remaining occupations ranged from 300 to 350.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salaries, men, women, professionals, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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