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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the number of international students in Canada and USA in 2002 and 2003, also the changes of the increase in student population over the two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the number of international students in Canada and USA in 2002 and 2003, also the changes of the increase in student population over the two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided table illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of international
students
Use synonyms
-
China
Use synonyms
, the
USA
Use synonyms
,
India
Correct word choice
and India
show examples
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
studying in
Canada
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
as well as
show examples
 the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the increased student population between 2002 and 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of international
students
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 are from
China
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, international
students
Use synonyms
 in
China
Use synonyms
 in 2003 were the highest. Another noticeable figure is that in the
USA
Use synonyms
, the international
students
Use synonyms
studied
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 in
China
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2003 was the lowest,
that
Change preposition
while
show examples
 in 2003
recorded
Verb problem
it was
show examples
 the highest.
However
Linking Words
, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of international
students
Use synonyms
are prefer went
Wrong verb form
prefers to go
show examples
 to the
USA
Use synonyms
 to study. The
number
Use synonyms
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
, the highest
figure
Punctuation problem
figure,
show examples
is
Verb problem
followed by
show examples
China
Use synonyms
 in 2003,
while
Linking Words
 increasing 27% between 2002 and 2003.
Likewise
Linking Words
, that of India increased 50%.
However
Linking Words
, the second highest contributor to the
number
Use synonyms
 of international
students
Use synonyms
 is the
USA
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it decreased 6% throughout the period. As for the
USA
Use synonyms
, in the first year, the
number
Use synonyms
 in India was the highest position,
while
Linking Words
China
Use synonyms
 was the second highest,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 increased
33
Change preposition
by 33
show examples
%.
However
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 was the latest contributor throughout the period. Another noticeable trend is that international
students
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
india
Fix capitalization
India
show examples
 studied in
Canada
Use synonyms
, which is nearly 10 times the lowest population in the
USA
Use synonyms
 in 2002

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, china, usa, canada, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • international students
  • percentage increase
  • student population
  • academic year
  • economic impact
  • cultural diversity
  • educational institutions
  • host country
  • enrollment rates
  • fluctuation
  • demographic
  • trend analysis
  • migration patterns
  • tuition fees
  • scholarship programs
  • visa policies
  • higher education
  • cross-border education
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