IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Social Media has helped us increase our virtual networks. This has isolated us physically, making us socially awkward in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

The advancement of social media has benefited us and expanded
people
Use synonyms
's virtual connections. In fact, I strongly agree with the idea that
this
Linking Words
 development has brought negative impacts
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as isolating
individuals
Use synonyms
 and making
people
Use synonyms
 socially awkward in real life. The following paragraphs will elaborate on these issues in detail.
Firstly
Linking Words
, excessive social media use could make
individuals
Use synonyms
 feel lonely in their real life and affect
individuals
Use synonyms
' communication. When they have become used to
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
 through
Use synonyms
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
, it can cause difficulties for direct communication. To illustrate,
individuals
Use synonyms
 may lack confidence when they communicate with others in real life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they may have difficulty making eye contact with
people
Use synonyms
 who are communicating.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 condition leads
people
Use synonyms
 to weak communication skills and brings less self-confidence.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 occurrence may result in somebody's
health
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 issues.
People
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 who spend a whole day scrolling and communicating through a
screen
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 often experience eye strain, sleep problems, and reduced physical activity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the blue light from the
screen
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 often makes eyes fatigued, and it causes
people
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 to be inactive. If
this
Linking Words
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 occurs continuously, it will lead to worse long-term
health
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 effects.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some balancing activities should be incorporated into their daily lives,
such
Linking Words
 as reducing
screen
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 time and doing other activities. All in all, I completely agree with the statement that the use of social media
also
Linking Words
 offers several disadvantages to many
people
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.
Therefore
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, it is
very
Rephrase
apply
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essential for everyone to manage their
screen
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 time wisely to prevent negative impacts
to
Change preposition
on
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health
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 and guarantee future
health
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 investment.

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task response
Your view is clear. To reach a higher score, add a small view from the other side and then say why your view is still right.
coherence
Use more words to link ideas inside each paragraph so the flow is smooth.
task response
The position is clear from the start.
coherence
The essay uses ordering words (First, Second).
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connect
  • online
  • offline
  • face-to-face
  • real life
  • social
  • media
  • networks
  • relationships
  • awkward
  • shy
  • confident
  • increase
  • decrease
  • benefit
  • drawback
  • active
  • passive
  • interaction
  • habit
  • balance
  • practice
  • communication
  • support
  • community
  • time
  • meetup
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