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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can ause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve these problems?

The migration from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to larger cities for
workships
Correct your spelling
work
 can cause issues
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both regions. There are two major problems and two possible ways to tackle these
isssues
Correct your spelling
issues
. One of the most tremendous
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 is the lack of employees in remote
areas
Use synonyms
. That would affect agricultural companies,
such
Linking Words
 as farmers, that
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on
Correct article usage
the cite
show examples
cite
Use the right word
city
show examples
 population; cause their production can only be harvested by
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 there
would
Verb problem
were
show examples
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 do
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 work, production would stop,
therefore
Linking Words
, it would affect
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
a detriment
show examples
detriment
Replace the word
detrimental
show examples
 way. Another reason
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
overpoplation
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
 in large cities. Individuals who
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in overcrowded
areas
Use synonyms
 tend to suffer from mental as well
from
Change preposition
as
show examples
 physical diseases.
People
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, which abudanced with noise
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 generally experience
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
show examples
 more
frequent
Replace the word
frequently
show examples
 than others.
Moreover
Linking Words
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
, that surrounded
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 skyscrapers, cement and
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
ubiqitiously
Correct your spelling
ubiquitously
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are more likely to have depression
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
people
Use synonyms
 that close to
hature
Correct your spelling
nature
. To remedy these problems, governments ought to enhance living
standarts
Correct your spelling
standards
 in suburbs, simultaneously with the
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 of
agricultar
Correct your spelling
agricultural
 workers.
People
Use synonyms
 would come back to rural regions for cheaper apartments, products and other human needs. That development
also
Linking Words
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
interest
Correct article usage
the interest
show examples
 of
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 public in
suburb
Replace the word
suburban
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
. More
people
Use synonyms
 come to the area, more
people
Use synonyms
 would
Verb problem
be interest
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in that area,
hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 region would develop in tempo of by far more popular places. Another solution
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 is to enact mandatory laws via huge companies, that would require them to allocate their buildings around the country. In order to prevent construction
most
Punctuation problem
, most
show examples
 of the
company
Check wording
company's
show examples
 construction
in
Verb problem
is in
show examples
 the capital or other cities. That would
also
Linking Words
gave
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
opportumity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 for
people
Use synonyms
 to
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
global
Correct article usage
a global
show examples
 company,
regardlaess
Correct your spelling
regardless
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 where
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
individulal
Correct your spelling
individuals
 reside.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are tremendous problems,
such
Linking Words
 as overpopulation and
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 distress, in that trend and in order to solve it government should
entroduce
Correct your spelling
introduce
 laws and fund local agricultural
areas
Use synonyms
.

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task
The idea is good. The essay gives two main problems and two fixes. But the ideas are not clear all the time. Make each idea simple and clear.
content
Either side of the idea is shown: problems and fixes
structure
The plan to fix shows how the city and towns can be linked
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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