IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The key to reducing crime is to have more police patrolling the streets.’ How far do you support this proposal? What other ways of reducing crime may be effective?

It is true that
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate is increasing at a higher rate. Most
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
police
Use synonyms
 patrolling would be helpful to combat
crimes
Use synonyms
. I think
police
Use synonyms
 patrolling can create a safe environment, and speed up their fight against
Use synonyms
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
. But there are other measures which are more effective
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as installing cameras, education, providing jobs, and to
aware
Replace the word
awareness
show examples
 the public about fraudulent activities, etcetera. There are various reasons why some
people
Use synonyms
 are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour of
police
Use synonyms
 patrolling.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
police
Use synonyms
 can provide a sense of freedom, safety, and security
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when they are in the streets. Nobody will have the courage to commit a minor crime
such
Linking Words
 as robbery or shoplifting.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
police
Use synonyms
 will become more attentive regarding the security of the public against
crimes
Use synonyms
. If they feel any kind of mishappening or
uncertainty
Punctuation problem
uncertainty,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they quickly seal that place to save the
people
Use synonyms
 from danger, and speed up to curb criminal activity.
However
Linking Words
, relying on
police
Use synonyms
 patrolling is not enough. Installing CCTV cameras in public areas offers round-the-clock monitoring and helps identify offenders with concrete evidence. Unlike
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Police
Use synonyms
 patrolling may be costly, and it may cause the community if it is used unfairly.
Also
Linking Words
, some areas are risky, so
police
Use synonyms
 can ignore those areas at night because of the danger.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I think installing these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of cameras not only
detect
Correct subject-verb agreement
detects
show examples
 the fraudulent
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 but
also
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the
police
Use synonyms
 to find the real criminals by capturing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, education and job opportunities should be available for everyone. In most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cases,
people
Use synonyms
 commit
crimes
Use synonyms
 because they are not fully aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the consequences. If the government provides free education and jobs to them,
then
Linking Words
 there will
no
Verb problem
be no
show examples
 place for
crimes
Use synonyms
 for sure.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, social media platforms are gaining popularity among
people
Use synonyms
, and now it is easy for criminals to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 fraud via gaming apps. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they hacked their personal information and can withdraw money from their accounts. Recently, in Punjab, a boy who was addicted to games
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
unintentionally clicked on the link.
Consequently
Linking Words
, criminals withdrew all his money, and the boy
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 was under pressure and committed suicide
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 incident.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should be aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these apps to save themselves from online criminal activities. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
police
Use synonyms
 patrolling plays a vital role in deterring crime,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a combination of technological, educational, and social measures is essential for long-term prevention.

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task response
The essay has a clear point of view and covers many ideas, but tie each point back to the main question.
coherence cohesion
Plan each paragraph with a clear idea sentence, then add a few simple ideas that link to it.
coherence cohesion
Use clear links like also, but, however, for example to join ideas. Keep each paragraph about one big idea.
task response
Use simple, real examples that fit the point and explain them in a short way.
linguistic
Fix grammar and use short, correct sentences to keep readers clear.
task strength
The essay shows many ideas and a stance that patrols are helpful but not enough.
coherence strength
The writer includes several measures beyond patrols (CCTV, education, jobs).
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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