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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The two pie charts illustrate the different industrial sectors that contributed to the recession of Turkey percentage-wise in the years 2000 and 2016.

The two pie charts illustrate the different industrial sectors that contributed to the recession of Turkey percentage-wise in the years 2000 and 2016.
The two pie charts
depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict
show examples
 the difference between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 years that
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to the economy of Turkey by eight
sectors
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly that in 2000, agriculture was the only sector that contributed more than the other
sectors
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Health and Trade utilities and transportation
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the major
sectors
Use synonyms
 that contributed 17% and 16%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the least contributed departments in 2000
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 construction and Finance.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in 2016, Government and Finance
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the
less
Replace the word
least
show examples
contributed
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
sectors
Use synonyms
. All the other industrial
sectors
Use synonyms
 participate in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 with high and low
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 12%, Hospitals 17%,
Manufacturing
Correct word choice
and Manufacturing
show examples
 8% in 2000
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in 2016,
Correct article usage
the Hospitals
show examples
Hospitals
Fix the agreement mistake
hospital's
show examples
 contribution was 14%, Agriculture 14%, Transportation 16% and construction 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sectors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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