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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? task2

If I look at the
past
Punctuation problem
past,
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 must
be
Wrong verb form
have been
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 in the
office
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 for
work
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 the era is changing nowadays. More
people
Use synonyms
 than past don’t have to go to
Use synonyms
office
Correct article usage
the office
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 because of improving technology. The situation has many advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the disadvantages are less social life, difficulty adapting to routines,
lack
Correct word choice
and lack
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 of
motivation
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. The
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 don’t go to
work
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 communicate less and less
each
Change preposition
with each
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 other. There is no
office
Use synonyms
, no
people
Use synonyms
, no environment. I believe that the environment is
really
Correct article usage
a really
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 important factor in social life and
motivation
Use synonyms
. Because if you are in
place
Correct article usage
a place
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 that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a lot of
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
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 you will have more
change
Use the right word
chances
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 to meet and
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
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 the
people
Use synonyms
. At the same
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
time,
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people
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 affect each other. Think about the place
that has
Verb problem
where
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 many
people
Use synonyms
work
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, there is no
change
Use the right word
chance
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 to influence.
Motivation
Use synonyms
 is about ambition
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
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however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 at
home
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you
Punctuation problem
, you
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 cannot see anything.
Lastly
Linking Words
, it becomes difficult to separate
work
Use synonyms
time
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 from personal
time
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, leading to burnout because
home
Use synonyms
 is
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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 place
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. Sometimes it causes of
losing
Verb problem
apply
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discipline.
Although
Linking Words
,
home
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office
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 has a number of
advantages
Punctuation problem
advantages,
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 that are flexibility, saving
time
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,
reduction
Correct word choice
and reduction
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 of costs. Flexible hours make it easier
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work
Verb problem
to work
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 because
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. Every
time
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 doesn’t have
motivation
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, creativity. Flexible working hours help you arrange your schedule
according to
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 the
time
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 when you feel more creative and motivated.
This
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also
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 makes your
work
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 easier and better.
In addition
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, going to
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office
Correct article usage
the office
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waste
Correct subject-verb agreement
wastes
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 your
time
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especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 if you
are
Verb problem
live
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 living
crowded
Correct article usage
a crowded
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 city that has a lot of traffic. Maybe
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
 it gains 1-2 hours
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 you can make use of
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
office
Use synonyms
 has
advantage
Correct article usage
an advantage
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 company’s not just only workers. Some companies are required to cover their employees’ transportation, meal, and clothing expenses. In conclusion, I do not support both working from
home
Use synonyms
 every day and going to
Use synonyms
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 every day. In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should
work
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 at the
office
Use synonyms
 two days a week to preserve social interaction and
work
Use synonyms
-life balance and spend the other three days working remotely to take advantage of the benefits discussed above.

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grammar
Fix big grammar and spelling errors to be clear.
structure
Make one idea in each paragraph. Start with a simple topic sentence.
content
Use more examples that show how home work helps or hurts people.
content
The essay argues a clear view and ends with a balanced idea.
coherence
Linking words show order and help flow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote work
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • cost savings
  • productivity
  • isolation
  • distractions
  • technology issues
  • work-life boundaries
  • burnout
  • networking opportunities
  • sustainability
  • office resources
  • cybersecurity concerns
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