IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people are afraid to go out for fear of being robbed on the streets. Still, there are robberies that happen inside houses. What do you think is the best thing a person can do to ensure his/her own security? Use specific reasons and examples to suppor

In recent years, many people think
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that if they hide inside
of
Change preposition
apply
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their house rather than going out, they'll feel safer and protected. In
this
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 essay, I'll discuss both points and give my own opinion
at the end
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.
Firstly
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, robberies happening in the
streets
Use synonyms
 are safer than at home.
For instance
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, when you are getting robbed at home, there are fewer chances of people hearing you, which gives more time for the robber than he anticipated to do evil things.
On the other hand
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, getting robbed in the
streets
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 is safer, because there is a very high chance of people around the neighbourhood or
streets
Use synonyms
to rescue
Wrong verb form
rescuing
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 you or
call
Wrong verb form
calling
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 for help.
Additionally
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, if you still don't feel safe going out alone, you can carry a pepper spray in case of anything or
,
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apply
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 learn self-defence
which
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, which
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 has
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of benefits
including
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, including
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 keeping yourself safe.
Secondly
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, sometimes you don't know when you'll be robbed at so
,
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apply
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 I suggest keeping a GPS in you're pockets and sharing
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
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 live location in case it's at night. Because
,
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apply
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 if someone gets kidnapped, you can see where they actually are and call the police for help.
Furthermore
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, a survey was conducted by the Ministry of Defence in Australia, about 70 per cent of crimes and incidents come from home break-ins.
To sum up
Linking Words
, getting robbed in the
streets
Use synonyms
 is far safer than in a house because it gives you more chances of survival and fewer injuries. Which can save tons of family in the future.

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content
Use one clear view at the start and keep all points to support it. Do not change your view near the end.
coherence
Make the order of ideas clear: first state a point, then explain it, then give an example.
grammar
Fix common grammar and spelling errors (eg, you're -> you are, live location -> your location, pocket -> pockets). Use simple, correct sentences.
content
Use real, easy examples and avoid doubtful facts. Explain how each example helps your point.
vocabulary
Check your spelling and choose words you know well. Short, short sentences can help you show the idea.
structure
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence
Linking words are used to show order (Firstly, On the other hand, To sum up).
content
There are practical ideas such as pepper spray and GPS for safety.
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