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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.

It is clear from the graph that the ratio of smoking men were the highest over the period given, while the women were the lowest in general.
The chart illustrates the ratio of smoking individuals between the two genders from 1960 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be
referred
Verb problem
inferred
show examples
 that the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 smoking
takes up more
Verb problem
is higher
show examples
 than women , both of which decline in the end. Taking a closer look at the female statistics, they
initially
Linking Words
 had nearly no
smokers
Use synonyms
 but have had an uptrend in the next 15 years, reaching a peak of nearly 350
smokers
Use synonyms
. In the following years, the number of women
smokers
Use synonyms
 decreased gradually and ultimately reached approximately 100 in the year 2000. Regarding
men
Use synonyms
, they had started from around 600 individuals addicted to
this
Linking Words
 substance in 1960 to 250
men
Use synonyms
 smoking in the year 2000. In the period that can be seen from the chart, the number of
men
Use synonyms
 has steadily dropped, which has the steepest drop from 1980 to 1985, with approximately 150 individuals.
This
Linking Words
 narrowed the gap between male and female
smokers
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, smokers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "ratio" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ratio
  • trends
  • cultural factors
  • societal influences
  • biological factors
  • awareness campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • correlated declines
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • stress levels
  • employment status
  • education levels
  • income
  • advertising
  • tobacco industry
  • marketing tactics
  • demographics
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