IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, many young people spend most of their time indoors. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to encourage them to spend more time outdoors?”

The global trend of some adolescents increasingly spending their
time
Use synonyms
 indoors
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is marking the
change
Use synonyms
 in the dynamic of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. The growth of technology’s infrastructure pushes one in three
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to stay closed and enjoy
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 alone on the phone. Solving
this
Linking Words
 problem can be very hard
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 possible with the
government
Check wording
government's
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 help and
family made
Use the right word
family-made
show examples
 decisions,
also
Linking Words
 a list of changes and new possibilities to support
teenagers
Use synonyms
. The foremost driver of indoor staying
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is undoubtedly the new era
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is powered by technology. Entertainment is delivered through smartphones, consoles, and streaming services, providing a new way of spending
time
Use synonyms
 which
teenagers
Use synonyms
 enjoy, in some cases removing the enjoyment of going outside.
For example
Linking Words
, online gaming platforms offer continuous social interaction and rewards systems that keep
teenagers
Use synonyms
 glued to their screens. From my experience, I often find myself playing
videogames
Use the right word
video games
show examples
 for hours
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 stuck to the screen, wasting all of my free
time
Use synonyms
. To successfully counter
this
Linking Words
 issue, both infrastructural
change
Use synonyms
 and cultural adjustments are needed. On an infrastructural level
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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.
Gourverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
 should ensure new rules to promote detox
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 technology
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as ensuring that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 have other activities which will make them leave their devices charging.
Also
Linking Words
, families should use mandatory daily "green"
time
Use synonyms
 dedicated to family, ensuring children get to understand the value of their family with the break from technology
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, the transition towards indoor lives is a
change
Use synonyms
 which comes with technological innovation.
However
Linking Words
, by promoting renewed cultural appreciation for
this
Linking Words
 problem, societies can create the necessary conditions to encourage the youth of today to
change
Use synonyms
 their perception of an open life and greatly enjoy their free
time
Use synonyms
.

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Organization
Plan your essay with a clear start, body parts and a short end. Put one idea in each paragraph.
Grammar
Use simple grammar correctly. Check common mistakes and spell common words the right way.
Content Development
Give a clear reason for each point and add a small example.
Coherence
Use linking words like 'also', 'and', 'but' to link ideas so the text sounds smooth.
Proofreading
Check spelling and fix errors like 'Gourverments' and 'detox of technology'.
Content
The essay tries to answer both parts of the task.
Content
There are some good ideas about why teens stay indoors and how to help them.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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