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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important to takes risks both on professional lives and personal lives

In today's advanced world, taking
risks
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
has become
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 an essential part of our professional and social affairs.
According to
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 common belief, taking
risks
Use synonyms
 creates pressure and anxiety
on
Change preposition
for
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 a
big
Correct word choice
large
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amount
Check wording
number
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 of people.
However
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, others argue
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 benefits of challenging ourselves in unexpected conditions outweigh the drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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perspectives
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as advantages and disadvantages. To commence with the benefits of taking
risks
Use synonyms
, we should first understand the significant place of making decisions in our lives.
Everyday
Use the right word
Every day
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, we make thousands of decisions in order to achieve success in our daily lives.
Therefore
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, sometimes the result doesn't satisfy us. In
this
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 case, pushing limits allows individuals to discover new opportunities since they are capable of leaving their comfort zone. As an example of that, a decision of an exchange year can lead the individual to independence, network ,and
self confidence
Use the right word
self-confidence
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;
thus
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, they're accepting the uncertain future.
On the other hand
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, there are some concerns about taking
risks
Use synonyms
. Many people can experience stress and anxiety when facing unexpected outcomes.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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some
Correct determiner usage
an
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 entrepreneur who saved
his all
Correct word order
all his
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 money
due to
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risky
Correct article usage
a risky
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 business may end up losing everything.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 taking
risks
Use synonyms
 can
oper
Use the right word
open
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 doors easily
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it may
also
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 cause serious emotional
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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.
To conclude
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, there
isn't
Correct your spelling
is no
 correct
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 when it comes to taking
risks
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. Choosing not to take actions
in addition
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 to
accept
Wrong verb form
accepting
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 the given situation is a reasonable reaction;
therefore
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, when it comes to certain types of
ambition
Punctuation problem
ambition,
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 it is totally acceptable to take
risks
Use synonyms
 to create changes. Adopting a balanced approach seems the safest solution.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear map: a short intro, one paragraph on good points, one on bad points, and a short ending.
grammar
Fix rough grammar and form. For example, use 'taking risks' or 'takes risks' correctly, 'many people' not 'a big amount of people', and 'open doors' not 'oper doors'.
coherence
Use small linking words to join ideas, like 'also', 'but', 'and', 'for example'.
content
Give more proof or detail for each idea so readers see why points are true.
conclusion
End with a clear view or plan, not a general line.
structure
You show both sides of the issue.
content
An example is given about an exchange year.
conclusion
The essay ends with a call for balance.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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